Damnit Johnny Monologue

"Damnit, Johnny… Oh damnit, Johnny, don 't die, please don 't die."

Johnny was the main reason I was still alive. Call him my life tank or whatever but it was the truth. I was proud of him and I never could tell him. I knew how much he wanted to hear it, but being Dallas Winston, an awkward person who never knew how to show his feelings, I never got to tell him. I didn 't want to face the corpse in front of me. I didn 't want to see the mistakes I 've made. The mistake for not wanting him to get tough. You get tough like me, and nothing can hurt you. I went up to the dead body and chuckled dispiritedly. "Never could put that hair back." What the hell 's wrong with you Dallas? What are you so sad about? that body in front of you is nothing but another corpse, just another dead body. I had tears in my eyes as I ran through the corridors. All I could see were white walls and misshapen figures through the tears in my eyes. I had to face it. Johnny was gone. He was dead.

I ran away. ‘Running away ain 't your style, Winston. ' Is what I thought, but I couldn 't handle it. I, for the first time, was scared. It was a surprise, even for me. I never got scared, ever. Memories of New York were playing in

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I took the car that had Pony’s blood all over the seats from the rumble. Golly, at least, I did something that will finally be helpful to the gang. I sat there in silence for a moment, finally having the time to try and get my thoughts straight. But, it didn 't work, and that was to be expected. I knew it wouldn 't ‘cause I wasn 't the rational thinker, that was Darry. I wasn 't the funny one either, that was Two-Bit. I wasn 't the good older brother, that was Soda. I wasn 't the guy addicted to cars, that was Steve. I wasn 't the smart kid obsessing over books either, that was Pony. I wasn 't a gang leader, that was Tim Shepard. I wasn 't rich or anything like that, those were the socs. And I wasn 't the one who kept admiring or looking up to the wrong