A Doofus: A Short Story

Death of A Doofus

"Bryson, you did well on your last mission." I said in a serious, monotone voice. "Thank you!" he said in a high pitched, extremely fake sounding southern accent. He started to blush. "To reward you, us people here at the Junior Educated Rich Kids Society, or J.E.R.K.S., have selected me to be your partner on a patrol of the Mexican/American border to make sure the overlord DaLingo does not try to smuggle illegal chickens over the border." He smiled too enthusiastically. "Ooh, sounds exciting!" he commented. Man, I hated this guy. We proceeded to head towards the gold jet in the hanger with the conceited looking brat painted on the side. This was the Super Non-detectable Overseeing Bomber, or S.N.O.B. When we boarded

"MOVE!" I said as I pushed him out the pilot's seat. I turned the engines back on and pulled out of the death spiral. "You nearly killed us you dingus!" I screamed at him. "Sorry." he said with his head hung low. " You really short circuit all my nerves, you know that?" I screeched. " I'm sorry. I honestly thought that was the autopilot." he responded dishonorably. I calmed down. "I forgive you." I lied. "Really?" he responded. Wow. He was really gullible. "Sure. But I need you to do me a favor." I replied. He smiled. "Anything!" he said. "Just stand right there." I said as I pointed to a spot on the floor. He grinned and mosied to the spot to which I had pointed. I pulled a lever and he dropped through a trapdoor. I smiled as I thought of him falling 20,000 feet to his doom. As I directed my eyes back to the skies, I saw a flash of red streak across the sky. Then I heard a "THUD!" I looked behind me. There was Bryson in all His stupid glory. "Natalie," he said to me" I think you accidentally opened the trapdoor. Thank goodness I had my rocket powered hanglider." I wanted to cry. I shook it off. " Why don't you go sit down?" I asked politely. "Sure!" he replied. As he was walking away, I pulled some poison darts out of my pouch. I aimed and threw. "My shoe lace is untied." he bent over to tie it. My dart missed. I started to cry. "What's wrong?" he said sympathetically. " I've been trying to kill you, idiot!" I whined. He