A True American Hero: A Short Story

"How does it feel to be a true American hero?" "What?" Phillip felt certain the question wasn 't meant for him. He looked around to see if there was a fireman standing behind him. "Oh come on now — don 't be so modest," the reporter, Mitch Field, said. "Tell us how it feels to be the best in the world!" "I . . . I don 't understand your question," Phillip said. "I just watched cat videos." "For five days straight!" Mitch Field intoned. "You must have nine lives to endure such a catastrophic ordeal!" "It wasn 't that hard," Phillip said, his face suddenly burning. He was unsure whether the reporter was making fun of him. True, he had just broken the record for the most consecutive hours of watching online cat

With grit and perseverance, however, the record was soon his. He soon found, though, that he was even less prepared for what followed. It seemed that Phillip had stumbled into the nexus that lay between Internet pop culture, a public starved for trivial distraction, and a slow news day. First came an avalanche of emails and text messages from bloggers in search of content, soon followed by mainstream reporters, desperate for anything remotely newsworthy. In Phillip 's record, they immediately recognized not only a shooting star (brightly burning, quickly crashing), but also the obvious pun potential. "Phillip, did you feel like failure would have been cataclysmic?" Phillip thought it would never end. And then, just as quickly as it had begun, the media storm abruptly ceased, having lasted almost exactly as long as it had taken to break the record — five days. Phillip breathed a sigh of relief and settled back into the comfort of being unknown. One week later, in his too quiet apartment, Phillip reached for the phone and dialed. "Hi, Mitch Field? This is Phillip Bergman — the guy who set the cat video record, remember? Listen, are you interested in an exclusive? I 'm thinking of making an attempt at my own