Personal Narrative: Social Anxiety

Social Anxiety

I couldn’t move. I looked scared. How are they going to look at me? I could see it on their faces, they are certainly judging me. I don’t know what to do. I’m paralyzed. And finally the teacher says I can go away. He is familiar with my disorder. I left my class, wondering how coward I am. I don’t know what to do and how to act. Everybody sees me as a loser, that’s obvious, nevertheless, I want to be normal, act normal and live normally, be happy and have friends. I must work hard.

MONTH LATER

„So, what happened to you?“ asked the psychotherapist .

„What do you mean?“ Why is she asking me? She knows about my problem.

„Why are you afraid of people?“

„I don’t know. They will judge me before they’ll know me.“ I didn’t know

Daley and nothing has really changed. I am all alone, just by myself, even if I’m at school. I am scared to death that I will end up lonely and empty, but at this moment it’s the only thing I’m heading to. I want to have this great feeling when I’m around somebody I like, or when I just see someone. I want to have that feeling described in books, I want to feel butterflies in my stomach I want to be nervous about some boy I meet, but everything I feel now is fear. It scares me to death to talk to ANYBODY. It could be my mom or my favourite person in the whole world - I can’t talk to him, but at the same time I don’t want to be alone, notwithstanding, I can’t deal with communication and sociality, but the only way to do something is to define my goals. The first thing I could do which wasn’t psychically too painful for me was to go on the internet. I’m not on Facebook and stuff like that, I don’t even own a computer. I borrowed my dad’s and signed up to Facebook. I was scrolling the main page and suddenly something popped up. Something that changed my life forever.

ONE WEEK LATER

Today is the day. I am stressed out. I need to calm down. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. I need to go or I’ll be late. This is such an enormous step for me, I had never really gotten out and go somewhere for a purpose of having fun, this is my first time and I hope not the last.

I just arrived and it’s literally terrifying. There are people everywhere.

I can’t imagine living without dancing, therefore I changed schools, I am on dance academy and I am super happy about that, I can take my skills to a whole new level.

FOUR YEARS LATER

I don’t do anything else besides dancing. I am a choreographer and lector in the STL dance crew. I have a little problem with communication, but I can make it.

AFTER TWO YEARS

I am ready for the Show Yourself battle. This is one of the biggest battles in the America. This time it is ICE-E versus me - Mad Lyn. Oh, you didn’t know my name? Sorry, I don’t like talking to strangers.

“ICE-EEE versuuuuuus Mad Lyn!” the speaker introduced us.

Let’s go. The music in on. I can feel the beat. I can feel the music. The groove is in my body, the feeling is in my soul…And now I can’t think about anything else, just dance.

“Three, Two, One…That was Mad Lyn, yeeeeah!” shouted the speaker “ICE-E’s round!”

ICE-E is really good dancer, he controls his body, it feels like he controls the music.

“Three, two, one…Okay! ICE-EEEE everybody! Now judges – Three, two…”

We are not rivals, we are in this together, doesn’t matter who