Banana Persuasive Speech

They say that if you put a monkey in front of a typewriter, and give him long enough, you’ll get a novel. Well, that’s exactly what happened. I was taken from my jungle home many years ago and since then have lived with my owner, Sue, in her home in Tallahassee, Florida. When I was really little, Sue tells me, I was captured by some very bad people and taken back here to America where she then took me in and saved me from “my ultimate demise”. Sue’s a bit dramatic. But she does love monkeys and trees so, I forgave her. Anyways, I have been living with her since before I can remember and she’s pretty awesome. Although she doesn’t like bananas, which originally made me very suspicious ‘cause who doesn’t like bananas? But, I was able to see

(Another one of these human puns again.) People saying that something is “driving them bananas”. What does that mean? For one, that is improper grammar, for two, how can something be driving you bananas? Does that mean that they are delivering you a truckload of bananas, because I would love it if someone would drive me some bananas right about now! Third of all, bananas are precious object of magicalness that can soothe your deepest craving and secure happy thoughts and peace of mind. Why would you name something that is annoying, or bad after that?! I just do not understand humans!

(You should note that at the beginning of this paragraph I said “drives me insane” which is a perfectly good substitute, or even “drives me bonkers”, or “crazy” but not bananas)!

When I was old enough to understand the world a bit, I actually was very happy with most of the things I saw. It makes a monkey proud to see such glorious things such as monkey bars being named after our kind. If you have never been on the monkey bars, or at least not in a very long time, I advise you to do so; for they are just pure joy. I mean really wonderful. You can go to almost any playground and that is what you will find there. Sitting there upon the mulch, grass, or dirt, in all of its glory. Some parallel and perpendicular bars welded together. “Not much” you may think. But oh, you would be wrong! The joy they bring is infinite. I would know for a fact because one night,

I decided that the easiest thing to do would be to take online classes; so I did. Now, each day I take my classes first thing in the morning and if I do say so myself, I do pretty good. I had to make up a sort-of “fake” identity for these classes though so they know me as “magor I. La.” (Get it? Although I am not, “Ima Monkey” sounded to obvious.) English class is my favorite class that I take online (could you guess?) but my very favorite class would have to be either P.E (basically me just running around outside), or lunch. But although I know this will come as a surprise to you, but I do have to spend a lot of time studying and working hard to pull straight As. Ok, there’s an occasional B, but mostly As. (Which was more surprising, that I am not a genius, or that I admitted