Bernauer's 'An Excerpt From Into The Wild'

Chapter Ten
Bernauer to Treptow After work two days later, Lena and Christoph led me to an area of East Berlin that was considerably more run down than Mitte or Pankow. I had to stay positive. I had no choice. The woman who owned the flat was Frau Genau. Those who knew her called her Mama G. She had two adult daughters, but one just got married. This created the vacancy. The building had been built in the early 1900 's so it was over sixty years old. I would have to grow accustomed to the stains and the rancid smell, but again I did not have the luxury of time or choice on my side. "This is quite agreeable, if you will have me." I said half lying. I looked past the holes and peeling paint and spoke to Frau Genau in a whisper. “I just don’t have the money for rent until next week." I didn’t want to tell them why. I already felt irresponsible about how I

I no longer would have to feel the weight of that depressing concrete barrier in front of me every morning and every night. Nor hear the cries of empty hearts and hands when I see the tears of children or relive my own painful separation. Yes I would miss the good times, but the good times were embedded in my mind and not in the cold walls of an empty room. I located Papas old suitcase from when he was a shoe salesman. Its hinges had been bent slightly when it had been tossed across the front room. If I held it down tightly the clasps would keep its contents secure. I placed my limited belongings inside. I found Mamas brown angora sweater. The one that she used to wear on Sunday walks and packed it next to her wooden hairbrush. I sifted through the pile of wood that used to be her cuckoo clock and located the two small figurines that danced on the hour. The phonograph that I had tried so hard to keep safe was nowhere to be found. Only the cover remained, but I refused to let it discourage