Senior Family Relationships

SUPPORTING A CHILDLESS RELATIVE IN OLD AGE
Most of us will require some level of help in later life as we age and become less sprightly. Fortunately, many of us can rely on our children for both companionship and, increasingly, for physical help, as we age. We hopefully have the comfort of knowing that we have close blood relatives to lean on in our hour of need.
But what happens to those seniors who have no children to rely on?
There are ever-increasing numbers of older adults who never had children, either through choice or circumstance. They may be married, widowed or single but often they are much more fiercely independent than their counterparts with children. This could simply be because they have lived alone, or as just a couple,

However dire their situation appears you may have to tread very carefully when broaching the subject of offering your own help or getting them some outside assistance. They may be extremely resistant and even offended by any suggestion that they are unable to manage their own lives, and of course, this can still occur even if you have a very close relationship normally.
There are different levels of help which have to be considered:
Light help in their home environment:
• Start your conversation very gently with general health enquiries and if they are reasonably open regarding any health or mobility issues they may be having then you can take the opportunity to offer help with specific things.

• Using subterfuge can sometimes work well – tell them you are going shopping and do they want to you pick up groceries or medications for them. Don’t bombard them with multiple offers all at

It’s a huge commitment for anyone and should never be rushed into. Be aware that the ageing process usually means that more and more help is needed as time moves on.

• At some point, full-time care may be needed and this requires very careful thought. Unless there is a family member or friend willing to put their life virtually on hold, and possibly even move in with the recipient, you and they may have to consider the possibility of assisted living.

o A long-term care community is often the most suitable solution because there will be 24/7 back-up for health and mobility issues. o The community set-up will provide an opportunity to socialise and build-up friendships with other residents. o In this scenario, you can continue to be a good relative and friend who visits and provides that loving familial presence and a link with their past.

It’s never easy admitting that you need help or accepting it even when offered lovingly and in a caring way. It is also not easy to be the carer; to take care of someone else who is not your parent, whether they have been a constant in your life or not. From both perspectives, it would always be preferable to consider all of the options via in-depth discussion before any intervention becomes