Reflective Essay: The LGBT Movement

India is changing. In last decade or so, LGBT movement has gain traction in mainstream media. Though, there is lot that needs to be done to reach the interiors of the country. There is no need to be pessimist. It is a beginning and it should liberate many oppressed and helpless souls. To be honest, technically, I am not an oppressed or helpless soul. I am a straight guy. I have most of the so called privileges that a heterosexual man enjoys. But there’s more to me. I’m an occasional cross-dresser. Does that make me fall within transgender spectrum? I don’t know. They say gender is a spectrum. So there’s a possibility.

Let there be no confusion. I don’t want to be a woman and have no intention to transition. I love women and everything feminine. I have spent most of my life living as a regular guy – having hairy body, riding my bike, playing cricket and video games, and so on. I don’t want to stereotype “regular guys”. But you know, these are some of the common traits. Yet, on some of the

It was Christmas. I was travelling with my family in the bus. There was a girl, probably of same age as I was, dressed like a fairy. Those flurry dresses, high ponytail, lots of sparkle and very much like a Barbie doll. It is a blurry memory. Nonetheless, it was first time I realised I am different; that I am a boy and she is a girl. We are not same. And then I wondered how it would feel to be like her. She looked special and I had boring, plain boy clothes.

I remember experimenting with my mother’s clothes, accessories and makeup kit in her absence. It was my secret. The desire sprung up from the curiosity. The curiosity was to see how I would look like if I was a girl. The fascination is still as young and interesting as it was then. The secret, amateur and childish dressing up activities continued till my teenage years, though inconsistently. Then it stopped, until I graduated. I had lot of guilt. I still do,