Disneyworld Speech

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WD: Hello there, and welcome to Disneyworld, the happiest place on earth! You’re probably thinking “Gee Walt, how are you alive?”. I Wish I could tell you all it took was pixie dust, but… let’s just say those commies had a good idea coming up with those hyperbaric chambers, *under breath* “and the free labor wasn’t that bad either” (During line, X R, circle back to C)

M: It’s so great to see you again Walt!

WD: Thanks, but to tell the truth Mickey, I don’t really enjoy being here that much.I’m the past of this company. We need to keep looking to the future.

M: But what would the Corporate executives do now that you’re gone.

WD: (chuckles) you’ll see Mickey, we’re in good hands. Now I should be going, (X to R) I believe you have a meeting
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Corp Exec: Of course, because that’s what Disney World does, makes kids dreams come true. Assuming your dreams involve people dressed in giant cartoon character outfits acting whimsical and funny and refusing to leave you alone until you laugh in amusement. Now go along and make hay,I mean make kids happy.

(makes no difference who you are)

Mickey: I gotta stop these characters from ruining what I worked so hard to build. And what’s up with these park entrance lines! This feels longer than Fantasia and is even more emotionally scarring.

Matt (cast member): Good morning everyone and welcome to EPCOT at Walt Disney World, or as we like to call it: What god could’ve done if he had a better imagination. - XD

Mickey: Finally I’m at the front of the line, hey you- how do you cast members stay so happy? Where are you from?

Matt: Canada.

Mickey: How did you get here?

Matt: Well, Walt knew there would be a shortage of happy people in the near future, so he took the entire population of Winnipeg and put us in cage. The company has been taking us out as needed ever since.

Mickey: Oh, golly.

Matt: I never knew my father (Finding Nemo
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The only question is how.

Hulk: You could kill off his parents and force him to strike you down in emotional rage to bring him to the dark side.

Emperor: This is disney, no one has daddies or mommies here

Roz: Throwback to when daddy was just a parental unit and not a way for Lana to earn money.

Emperor: What?

Roz:Nothing… We can bombard him with rainbow color coded paperwork and ridicule him for failing to complete it.

Emperor: You’re so stupid. My doctor has actually told me to kill you, not that exact wording- he just told me to reduce the stress in my life. We won’t do any of those terrible plans.

Roz: Do you have a problem with the colors of my paperwork? Not everyone likes black robes and grey aging skin you know! You need to paint with all the colors of the wind.

Emperor: Not at all!

Roz:What would you have us do then?

Emperor: We can destroy that ridiculous golf ball and replace it with a new Death Star! Obama will hate us for it but whatever. We will then destroy several country pavilions and replace them with our own attractions. It is time that the future of Disney be accepted!

(I am sorry that I sing - FOR MY
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