Personal Narrative

As a child, I feared Shanti. She used to arrive when the clock tower at Ghanta-Ghar in Old Delhi struck ten in the morning. A loud ‘Ram Ram’ greeting to my grandmother heralded her presence and triggered my moments of panic.

A visit to my grandmother’s old house in Delhi during the summer vacation was a yearly ritual. Away from school, it used to be a time for me to take life in general, and a trip to the toilet in particular, at a relaxed pace. 10 am to me was still dawn. I was unable to comprehend the urgency to wake up before ‘dawn’ and rush to the toilet to eliminate the ‘by-product of the previous night’ as my grandmother would put it. 10 am- a time by when most members of the family would have answered their nature’s call; men would

Memories came flooding back. Just before the entrance, I looked for the creaky piece of wood without hinges in the name of a toilet door and could almost feel the presence of Shanti and the audible scraping of the two tin plates against the uneven concrete floor as she collected the residual heap. Instead, I saw a laminated latched door. My aunt who was well in her seventies was unable to comprehend my request to meet Shanti, whom she categorised as a ‘bhangan’ (an untouchable woman) who cleaned toilets in yesteryears. I told her about my wish to connect with the people from my past. My aunt obliged and a phone call from her mobile to Shanti’s saw her arrive in half an hour. Old and frail and- either by habit or still unable to erase the dividing line- she sat a few steps away near the door on the wooden stool offered by my aunt. I somehow felt guilty for being better off and, maybe in my heart of hearts, I wanted to seek pardon for wronging her in thought- even if not in deed- by looking down upon her. Unlike my vivid memories of her, I was happy that she did not remember me; it made me feel less guilty. She talked of old times remembering my mother fondly as a new bride. She had a hearty laugh narrating an incident of threatening to spoil my mother’s clothes if she did not tip her handsomely before leaving Delhi after