“Maybe you wouldn’t feel all sad and alone if you tried to make new friends at school,” mumbled my Mom. “What do you think I’m constantly trying to do?” I said with a slight attitude in my voice. That’s all I ever heard from anybody. Through the years that statement slowly started to morph in my mind that my sadness was completely my
It was a big experience for me in my life because of all the responsibility i was given i had to make sure i was ready and dressed wearing the write thing for each of the 5 dances i did. I had to learn how to put away my fear of being in front of so many people. Growing up i was never too close to my mother. We never really talked or hung out. Since i joined dance it gives us something to bond over while she drives me to dance or drives me home we talk about what i learned i show her skills i'm progressing on and she comes to most of my performances.
Once in my life, I got to be an outsider. I wandered around for friends. I want to be happy with my friend, but no one wanted to play with me. I tried many ways to shows other that I can be a good friend, but no one knows it. My friend don't understand me, they don't understand why I act out like that, they don't even tried to understand it.
The shirt was short and to her, I was disrespecting myself and letting others disrespect me because of the “terrible” things I wore to school. My sense of style was not very conservative, so that made people feel like they could shame me, and sometimes even slutshame me for what I liked wearing. Even to this day, I feel a sense of shame in wearing certain things because of what happened almost 4 years ago. I’ve come to realize that no matter what I, or any other woman, decides to wear, we’re entitled to everyone’s respect. I don’t go around disrespecting people for any reason and neither should they.
I wanted to move out of my box, but I was scared to take the next step. I soon discovered that there was not a buffer to prevent me from feeling discomfort. Therefore, I forced myself to learn and become social. I had to tell my mind that this was the only way. I simply listened and adapted to school and my environment.
I found out that not everyone are what they appear to be. Sure I talked to people in my grade, but I felt alone. I felt inferior. I felt as if I was invisible, that people only saw me when they only wanted something. Sure I had the love of my family, but it was difficult going to school feeling alone.
I am enslaved by the thought and idea of what others think of me and how the world perceives me. Every day I would go to school and just go through the same motions, trying to get through one day after another. Hoping that the day would be better than the last. When my dad would drop me off at school he would always tell me to “make new friends”, but in my head I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy. Due to my personal insecurities I would always close myself off from others and not be my true self.
I had two tutors that would come and help me with school. I always tried to keep good spirits, and have a good attitude, but it was really hard for me to cope with. Not only was I not able to go to school, I wasn’t able to ski. I grew up skiing every weekend in the winter since I was
I am thriving in school, and even though I don't enjoy coming to school as much as i enjoyed waking up at 11:00am, starting school after lunch, and finishing around three, all while still wearing my pajamas. I know it was the right choice. I am having a great time having feedback from teachers instead of just getting test grades and an unexplained “A-” on my end of the year portfolio. Being surrounded by people, Even if i don't necessarily like them has shown itself to be an extremely good thing in my life. Learning how to feel frustrated but still be kind, and how to work effectively in a group.
I would always raise my hand in class, befriend all my peers; I was the girl who lit up the room when she walked into it. However, after being forced to move schools over and over again I began to seclude myself. Whether it was the anxiety of starting all over or the fear of rejection, it did not matter. What I do know, though, is that if I had just put myself out there a little more, even just spoke to a few people, my highschool years would've