FBI Anti-Terrorist Tip Line: FBI Behavioral Analysis

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Our sources report the FBI Anti-Terrorist Tip Line has received numerous calls suggesting the newly elected Speaker of the U.S. House of Representative, Paul Ryan has been radicalized. Ryan (age 45) has been clean-shaven his entire life but over the past several weeks has started to grow a mustache and beard. The FBI Behavioral Analysis Unit (BAU) believes a recent stressor event in Ryan 's life has hurled him over the edge of sanity into radicalization demonstrated by his growing facial hair as a living reminder of his faithfulness and sacrificial offering of his life to Allah and the Prophet Muhammad’s service.

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