Fear In My Childhood

Clumsiness, Fear, and Loneliness

clumsy, scared of being ridiculed and petrified of being alone

When I was little and just started school I had a lot of trouble making friends, people seemed very scary and I had been hurt by people I thought were a friend before.

I would hope as soon as lunchtime came that I would be finally able to play with other kids, but alas it was not that simple. Very early on other kids must have found kids to play with and were running around all lunch.

I tried my best to find these kids so I could join in. Sometimes I found them but could never keep up, they could run very fast.

This seemed to happen every day and that started to make me upset and I felt that kids didn’t like me. This wasn’t the first time

Now you may be wondering where is your promised positive spin is while wandering around I came across people. It’s funny how when you stop looking things can pop up, people trying to cheer you up.

This may seem bittersweet but this is where learned to survive at school at least and that I needed to make my fun, whether that was playing with some matches which quickly got me some unwanted attention by teachers and my parents. I didn’t really know what they were but was inquisitive what they were and how it worked.

The next year of school I was in a different school which I was only starting to feel used to the first one but I liked my new school, it was new and exciting.

I got new books ready for school and some reason I had started a book for myself, writing about things I liked, anything and everything I could think of really. Writing in my book I believe ended up being a comfort thing to hide away in it. Hideaway in my room, thinking about things that could be and how things could be. So many possibilities in

For a while, I didn’t have any kids and just sat by myself. At first, I must have been slightly confident because I liked a girl and even know I was extremely petrified of talking to other kids, I ended up going all the way over to the playground and asking her for her phone number, I’m not sure how I worked up the unlike me courage.

she told me and I got extremely nervous and the feeling I stuffed everything up. I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t say anything but after that, I was extremely angry at myself, even more, petrified of talking to people and especially the girl I liked. Which I wanted to do more and more but never could.

I tried to join in with other kids but I got very scared of somehow doing something really silly. I was so nervous that I became very clumsy around people. Especially when playing a sport or joining in on class activities. I could never do anything right whether it was at home or at school so I avoided anything which could potentially make me look very stupid.

More and more it would happen and more and more I came across kids that would make fun of