Fourth Boilermaker: A Short Story

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After my third or fourth Boilermaker, I needed to get some air and quiet from all the noise and perfume smells that were beating the crap out of me from all angles. I had taken no more than a few steps out of the restaurant and bar’s side door leading into an alleyway when some drunken woman stumbled into me. How did I know she was drunk? I’m six feet six and two-hundred and seventy pounds and was moving very slow. “Sorry,” she slurred. “I didn’t see you standing there.” “Are you Ok,” I asked, genuinely concerned. “What are you, some fucking comedian!” she snapped. “Don’t you know who the hell I am shit head? You better watch your ass. Now that I get a good look at you, you’re one large fucking huge ass teddy bear. I had always wondered if it was actually true about big men with big feet. And, by those two large ass boats you’re…show more content…
“Killer lips and a third leg. Seeing it coming out the other fucking end was a joke,” she slurred, seriously then kissed me again, but still hadn’t let go of my… “I know that I fucking joke too much some damn time, but I’m not that fucking funny. Damn boy, you can hurt a girl and she’ll fucking love your large teddy bear ass for it.” She kissed me one last time, did one last package check of the family jewels, and patted me on my butt before she stumbled to the limo’s door being held open by the chauffeur. I moved out of the way and watched the limo take off down the alley barely missing the group of Paparazzi running towards me. Next thing I know, I was being pulled back into the bar and sat in the corner of a booth with several Boilermakers lined up on the table and the guys blocking anyone from seeing me. The woman was right. The bar was flooded with Paparazzi until the bouncers kicked them out. Well, I had many plaid shirts and thank the bouncer for the tee-shirt, hat and dark glasses with the bar’s logo on
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