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Franklin D Roosevelt Synthesis

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The student who wrote this essay had good, supporting pieces of evidence and made a strong use of transitions, However, the structure and flow of the essay was edgy and sometimes unclear, where random ideas that should have been mentioned in the thesis or the introduction paragraph, show up randomly in the middle of the essay. There were also a few times where the author wrote in the first person, which weakened the overall goal for the essay. The voice of the essay also was strong, but did not keep consistency. There is more emotion when talking about Roosevelt’s view of men and women then there is when the author talks about those of color. There were phrases such as “Probably Roosevelt is made to think . . .” and “. . . in writing of American

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