Getting The Love You Want Analysis
Remarriage: Q&A With a Psychologist
Boy meets girl, boy proposes, boy marries girl. A happy story, sure, but does it become more complicated when either one or both have been there, done that? Psychologist Judith Ruskay Rabinor gets to the meat of the matter as she answers our scariest questions about second engagements.
Q: What is the scariest thing about getting engaged for a second time?
A: If there are children involved, most couples worry about how to integrate them into the relationship. They wonder how they 'll each do with the new responsibility and commitment to family that adding dependent people to the mix inevitably brings. What will it be like to suddenly have more responsibility? How can they make sure the children don 't
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A: For someone who had never been married, it would be good to explore their partner 's divorce in depth. How did he or she survive it? What do they see was their contribution to the marriage 's failure? What is this person 's track record in problem solving and negotiation? Talking is healing -- it 's important to talk about it. I advocate that people read a book by Harville Hendrix called Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. He teaches couples a healing communication process.
Q: What are the stickiest parts of second wedding planning?
A: How do the two families fit in? Who is in the wedding party? The next most important thing is the finances. When two young people get married, their contribution is moderate. With people in their 40s or 50s, they come with financial and emotional baggage. Who pays for the wedding and how are the finances divided? Couples need to communicate about that.
Q: How should the couple approach their parents?
A: Parents may tend to feel a bit of reluctance the second time around. Most people sweep the unpleasant and frightening feelings that all concerned undoubtedly share under the rug. It helps if the couple can articulate their worst fear: What if this marriage doesn 't last, either? Simply naming a fear
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