Eulogy For School Essay

The principal stood in front of us and looked down, as though it had been his career goal to please us, the students; as though the decision weighed on his shoulders insurmountably. He paused for a moment, considering his notes, and then summoned his best solemn expression as he broke the grave news. Muck up day was no more. The eulogy for the now-deceased tradition soon followed, wherein he chronicled the many “controversies” in previous years and urged us to be “upstanding” students who avoided such “liberalities”. A more spit-on-the-grave affair truth be told, though his presentation of the matter suggested otherwise. Clearly the man hoped that this dictatorial motion had been delivered swiftly, as a knife is into the gut of an unsuspecting victim.

One particularly oxygen-deprived pupil stood just by the passageway in front of a spell bound audience as he described his own plan to release two oiled pigs in the school, numbered one and three in order to trick the staff. Trite such as this was about as original as a hipster in a vinyl (record) store and was unlikely to ever reach fruition, yet to my dismay was the topic of conversation throughout the groups which gathered. Do not, however, be fooled by my apparent contempt for those around me. I too was roused by the principal’s announcement and intended to make a mark on the school in my final week. For years I had been what one would consider to be a model of student conformity, arriving each morning without failure, completing my work without question and then buggering off at the end of the day without anyone knowing my name; a perfect “cog in the machine” to use the words of my cliqued peers. Muck up day, however, presented the unique opportunity to advance from socially inept to socialite – an ironic proposition in hindsight considering that my departure school and its social hierarchy was