How Autolot Changed My Life

You do not seem to notice when it begins to take hold of you. When I look back on it now I wonder if I merely lacked the insight necessary to panic, or maybe I thought that my circumstances were not unfortunate enough to encourage further suspicion. I now understand that I was the victim of a very unforgiving entity.

Everything was distorted. Nothing felt right. Feelings of anxiety and dysphoria were becoming overwhelming. It was suffocating. I was drowning and watching everyone else continue to breathe. This lead to an evolution of complete emotional numbness. I began to miss the days of when I would be nervous about a speech or upset about a failing interpersonal relationship. I was now on autopilot. Every morning I would simply reload my program. Surprisingly enough it managed to convince me that this is who I was. It was performing under the guise of my own personality. It was defending itself. I was no longer in control. I found myself hoping for those around me to suddenly stop caring only as a way to keep my selfish being from feeling obligated to continue existing.

Throughout this experience, I asked so many questions pertaining to why. Why was I feeling this way? Why can I no longer enjoy the activities that I used to? Why can I not help myself? I lacked self-understanding at this point in my life and I desired to know more

However, while receiving an education that incorporates the many schools of thought; I have been able to find my passion. As an individual who has a family history of mental disorders, I have become increasingly interested in the field of abnormal psychology. I wish to continue my education by studying psychopathology and further my knowledge of anxiety, depression, as well as other mental and emotional disorders. While I now have a better understanding of what I intend to study this was not always the