Why Do People Lose Self Control

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Self-control is a learned behaviour that requires both social and emotional skill development. It is easier for us to maintain self-control in the public eye although some people "let it fly" regardless of their audience. Over time, losing self-control in public has become more common, with horrific examples being displayed in the media and movies on a regular basis. As a result, most of us witness people losing self-control quite often, which desensitizes us, making it seem normal and acceptable.

Many parents struggle to model and teach this skill since they were never taught it themselves. They figured out how to use their self-control to avoid unpleasant alternatives like spankings, the strap, imprisonment, etc. As a result, they do not
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Between aging parents, demanding jobs, financial concerns, illnesses, and relationship difficulties, stress does appear to be on the rise for many people. Since it's not socially appropriate to snap at a client, colleague, or grocery clerk, many of us hold it in and take it home with us. We don't do this on purpose-it's just that when we get home and take off our public face the guard is released on both our pent-up emotions and our social behaviours. Our children misbehave and snap- we lose it. The more we allow ourselves to lose our self-control the easier it becomes to do it again.

There are three things to keep in mind if we want to be successful in both learning and teaching self-control:

We must become self-aware so we can pick up on cues early and take action before a major reaction occurs.
We must practice new behaviours and create new patterns to follow. In times of stress we take the path we are most familiar with, making our patterns repeat.
We must have a real desire to succeed. Just saying we wish we were more controlled will not make it happen. We have to truly want it or our negative thoughts will overpower our optimistic ones.
If we understand and accept these three points, then there are plenty of things we can do to maintain our control. What we do on a regular basis to deal with stress and challenges in our life will influence how easy it is for us to
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By focusing on our breathing and taking deep breaths, we can help our bodies relax and take a moment to refocus our thinking. Some people like to combine counting with their breathing and others just like to focus on the breath itself. See which works for you and practice in times of calm.

Exercise: When we are carrying around a lot of extra emotion and stress, exercise can be a great way to work it off. Exercise does not fix unrelated problems, but the benefits go beyond self-control and it can be a great way to work off some steam. Try to work positive thoughts (from the positive thinking example) into your workout for the greatest effect.

Relaxation: Our goal when we are feeling stressed is to help the body relax and release tension. This can be done using stretches, yoga, breath work, or any variety of relaxation techniques. Some people like to fill their body up like a balloon and then let the breath and tension out in a big rush. Others prefer to breathe slowly and focus on releasing the tension out of their body piece by piece. It's great to know which works best for you so you can use it at a moment's

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