When I received my assignment back from my TA, I realized that I had some improvements that needed to be made to my paper to ensure a higher mark. By looking at the comments made by my TA, referring to the Writing History book for guidance and using my own knowledge, I was able to correct my mistakes. The first step I took in my revision process was to read all the comments and changes that he made. This helped me understand the quality of my paper and how much I needed to edit. The first point that my TA mentioned that needed some improvement was the structure of my thesis statement. My thesis needed to be elaborated to include the main points of my argument relating to the primary source. To improve my thesis, I made sure to incorporate my
I referred to unit 7’s discussion post where you outlined your essay. So far your research has proven to make for an interesting essay. I’m sorry I did not find a persuasive thesis statement in Unit 8 though, meaning I’m not convinced that there should be a policy change. I know you stated this is a working thesis statement which was not included in unit 8’s post. If you don’t mind, I would like to give some guidance.
An example of this is the quote he has from Father Pierre-Erançois-Xavier Charlevoix that he incorporates into his own argument, when Sturtevant states, “Yet his extensive research and own observations in the region convinced him that these apparent similarities obscured a more profound "diversity" that separated the nations.25” Sturtevant uses what the Father overserves to help his argument and this makes his own argument strong because Sturtevant is using a primary source. Lastly, Sturtevant’s argument overall is strength of this article because of his use of primary sources and other scholars
Thesis Statement (Main Argument/Preview of Points): Outlines your argument/theme. Law should usually be followed, but there are certain circumstances such as if you love someone, a law crosses your morals and if the law is unfair or unequal. BODY PARAGRAPH #1: This first paragraph should focus on how conflicts support theme. I. Topic Sentence: States the literary element and introduces how it supports your theme.
In the early 1700s, Ireland went through many changes, including: economic and religious struggles. Irish Catholics were not allowed to vote or own land during this time period. Because “there is little incentive to make land improvements as this increases the value and therefore the rent” (Bone), which hurt the Irish Catholics who wanted their own land. This caused there to be a loss in food production. Jonathan Swift brought up two problems that Ireland faced, children who were burdens and women who were unable to work due to the about of children they had.
As our final assignment for cornerstone we were tasked with revising our rhetorical analysis. I received a B, 81%, and by the end of my revisions have “A” quality work. During recent assignments and papers for other classes I realized the thesis was one of the first few sentences in the paper. As I was reading my paper I noticed that the purpose of the author writing this wasn 't until almost halfway into the first paragraph.
I found student essay number two to be more free of error than student essay one was. Even though it had less issues in it, it still was not perfect as it is very hard for anyone regardless of academic status to write without error. The three main problems that I found in this essay were spelling, usage, and formatting. Spelling was an issue for the writer of this paper in a few different instances. The errors were small, and I did not find any huge glaring issues, but nonetheless, they were still issues.
This semester was filled with many bumpy roads. I struggled in the beginning of the semester with my writings , as I didn 't feel confident enough to write a well developed writing. I seemed to find myself struggling whereas writing was not my favorable subject. The major errors I had in my writings this semester would be , grammatical errors,work citations, transition words, formatting ,paragraph development, sentence structure , and sentence level issue. Therefore I have set goals to improve my writing in the future.
Indiana University Thesis Statement: Indiana University is one of the best places to study language in the United States. Indiana University is a multi-campus university that is located in the state of Indiana, United States. Indiana University has more than 110.000 students that are spread across its eight campuses in the different areas. One of its campuses, Indiana University Bloomington, is ranked by Forbes Magazine into the twenty best public campuses in America. One of the best colleges or faculties there is College of Arts and Sciences.
The best example of me supporting my thesis was in the non fiction piece I had wrote about Michael Jordan. The way I wrote it was I described him during his whole life and then talked about his main career and how he became a legend and how everyone started to like him. The reason this was the best because the way I had brought the thesis into the story and then described it was good because there was a flow and it all made sense. A good point I did was right after I gave a little talk about him I went straight into the first paragraph talking about how his earlier life and what he did in the past. The story had a a flow because it went from the past to his best moments and how he got to where he is now and then it went to his current life.
1. What I like best about your essay is that there is a good balance between details and narrating, which makes your paper understandable and enjoyable. 2. What I like best about your introduction is that it sets a mysterious tone and keeps you wanting to find out what it is you are talking about, and I believe it was a great hook. What you might consider is clarifying in your intro that the experienced helped you have confidence in being a teacher, but I understand that the thesis doesn’t necessarily have to be “in your face”, so just consider this suggestion.
In addition, I would like to define my thesis statement or explain the definition of thesis statement is a short statement, usually one sentence, which summarizes the main point, or claim of an essay, research paper, etc., and is developed, supported, and explained in the text by means of examples and evidence. Yes, it does because it supports
Overall, I have made the paper to focus more on myself. For instance, I edited the thesis statement so that it represent my point of view about the social class instead of what other people think. Such as I used the word me, I, and I am throughout the thesis instead of people. By doing so, make more sense when connected to the third paragraph, which talks about my goals, ambition, what I hold dear, and the reason I choose Thomas. Plus, I added more information to the conclusion so that it's more about me.
“A good essay must have this permanent quality about it; it must draw its curtain round us, but it must be a curtain that shuts us in not out” (Woolf, 1925). Though not put quite this way, what I took away from the Read assignment (Bethel University, 2014) was how to write a well written essay and achieve “[the] curtain that shuts us in not out [type of essay].” The Read assignment first addresses the introduction and thesis statement. A well written introduction and thesis statement should be appealing and compel the reader to want to read more, not lose interest and stop without going further. This is accomplished by first making clear what the topic is; it may also provide the authors position, opinion, or attitude (Bethel University,
In chapter seven, I learned the importance of drafting a thesis statement for a descriptive essay. A thesis statement will aid the writer in only adding information that supports the statement. This step prevents writers from including random pieces of extra information that may take the focus away from the main idea. However, if there are details that are irrelevant to the paper but important to the writer the writer must make some adjustments to the thesis statement so that the detail can continue to be relevant to the thesis. Learning about drafting a thesis statement in a descriptive essay will impact me in a way where I can avoid adding too much unnecessary information.
I have struggled with this scripture and how to tie it with our school work. I have read the definition of a thesis statement several times. I have read the scriptures multiple times. I have prayed for the Lord to help me see what is expected or needed. I read the scriptures one more time in another version, all of a sudden it sunk in.