Lies By Funda Ylmaz Summary

A few years ago, a college from of mine told me that she had decided to leave the hustle and bustle of the corporate world and pursue her dream of being a personal trainer at a local gym. She had always been interested in fitness, so the idea that she may want to change her career path didn’t seem far-fetched. I was happy that she took this bold, life step. But when I talked to her on the phone, something in her voice sounded off—like she wasn’t entirely excited about her decision. My gut told me she was lying about some aspect of her new occupation.
During one of our many phone chats, I began to probe a little deeper about the reasons she left her previous job and started this new endeavor. Initially, she tried her best to assure me that this

She’s spent the last decade working with perpetrators and survivors of intimate partner violence. Plus, she’s the author and illustrator a children’s, self-help book, so kids can learn concepts about honesty and assertiveness in age-appropriate language. Yilmaz says, “People mostly lie because they feel that's the only way to achieve acceptance and safety in themselves or from others.” She also notes, people often tell lies to avoid oppression, conflict, or confronting an uncomfortable or scary situation.
She continues, “We're afraid of accepting emotional distress. But usually, emotional distress is communication from our body telling us that things aren't healthy or [are] even dangerous for our wellbeing. So, we try to ‘fake it,’ and [we] tell ourselves that as long as we're functioning in our social and work roles, we have nothing to worry about.”
But lying can take its toll on our relationships. Before we know it, we may be caught in a web of lies and feel disconnected from others. “Lies hide the truth. Without truth, there is no real connection. Without connection, humans feel empty and alone,” says Yilmaz. So, while “a little white lie” here and there may not significantly impact your relationships, telling them often may place a wedge between you and the people you care

“It wasn’t that expensive.”
In the previously mentioned Australian study, this lie landed in the top 10 for both men and women. Why do so many people choose to be dishonest about the price of an item? Most likely, it’s to avoid judgment and scrutiny over their spending habits. Many people want to control the perceptions others have of them, and they may not want their friends and family to dub them as “extravagant” or “lavish,” so they play down the amount of money they spend to dodge criticism.
But a newer study sheds a slightly different light on why people may also tell the occasional tale. Some people may lie due to the compassion they feel for others. This type of lie is called a “prosocial lie,” or a lie intended to benefit others. In the case of lying about an item’s price tag, a person may tell a prosocial lie to avoid hurting someone’s feelings about what they can and can’t afford.
5. “We should talk soon.”
Translation: “The chances of us talking in the near future are pretty slim.” We’ve all probably said some version of this when we’ve bumped into someone we hadn’t seen for awhile (either online or in-person) to avoid the awkward tension. However, we rarely follow through with that phone call. Sure, we’d like to stay in contact with people, but the truth is that we drift apart or get too busy to keep up with everyone. So isn’t stretching the truth a little justified now and