Listening And Bonding In Counselling

Introduction

Listening and bonding are inseparable processes that are best discussed together. The relationship between a counsellor and client is unique and designed to encourage the client to talk about their deepest fears and feelings, sometimes even feelings they didn’t know they had. The counsellor wants to make the client feel safe to express these feelings and emotions, such as anger, grief, pain and fear. These feelings may not be acceptable to other people that the client mixes with personally, so they are not able to express these feelings. Also, they will only express the feelings with the counsellor if they feel that they are able to do so and that the counsellor is dependable. A counsellor is effective, not just from having

The counsellor should show warmth and interest in the client, giving them their full attention.

Other relationships may have some aspects of this relationship, for example, warmth, giving attention and so on. However, the main difference between a friendship, for example, and a counselling relationship is the reciprocity. The client speaks and the counsellor listens and offers support. The counsellor does not usually speak about their own life or experiences. An intimacy will develop, as often does when people share their life experiences, emotions and stories, but it will be different from taking turns in telling their stories.

Counsellors should be very good listeners and able to open up topics, rather than closing them down. Counsellors should not “explain away” things they are told, but encourage the client to respond and explain why they are upset and so on. For example, a client may come in and say they are upset because they are tired. The counsellor should not respond by saying something like “cheer up” or “you’ll feel better soon”, as this may not be the real reason they are upset, but the client may not want to reveal initially why they are upset. Think of it another way, have you ever done something silly, like dropped a bottle of milk and found yourself crying or extremely angry or irritated beyond what is

For example, “Yes, I know how it is, I’m tired out too, my baby kept me awake all night” or “Our neighbours had a loud party last night, so I’m shattered to”. Or if a client comes and says their partner has left them, “Oh no, I know exactly how you feel, that happened to me too and…..” and so on. The client has not come to hear about how tired the counsellor is or how the counsellor dealt with their relationship difficulties. They want to talk about their own. This may sound superficially selfish, but the client is coming to the counsellor for help with their problems. If they wanted to swap life stories and experiences, they could do this with a friend. Also, none of us know what another person is