Metastatic Cancer Reflection

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Shew! What a lustrum it has been! This difficult hand of years began September 22, 2011 with my Stage IV Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis and so began the timeline of several life changing events along with unimaginable and undeserved grace.

Huge loss followed my diagnosis as I lost my Mama, Brother and Daddy. All the while I was breezing through endocrine therapies trying to find one to stabilize the cancer. Later, I became uncomfortable in my own skin as my outward appearance diminished under the guise of cancer. My joy has, undoubtedly, been on trial, but I don’t let the devil take it away. By God’s grace and the prayers and encouragement of my family and friends, I have gotten out of bed everyday and tackled whatever the day had to offer. I have been able to care for my family, worship, work and play under the undeserved grace of God.

Over these five years I have been called ‘strong’, ‘hero’, ‘brave’ and ‘an inspiration’. I am none of those. I have done nothing extraordinary, but to simply keep on keepin on. Like most people in this broken world, negativity often berates my internal monologue, there are days when I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, and times when I feel God has betrayed me.
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I’ve lost my hair, gained weight with the help of steroids and when I look in the mirror, I no longer see Bette- the resolute, unhesitating woman I use to be. Jesus has taught me that He doesn’t want me to be who I thought I was. He wants me to know who I am in Him. I have found healing as I come to realize my identity through Jesus! He is healing ugliness that can’t be detected by any scan, the chronic negative paradigms that kept me from enjoying a close relationship with Him and others. Jesus is an amazing ecologist! My ultimate healing may not be here on earth, but I have experienced healing. I trust Jesus, and whatever form of healing comes; I will accept

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