From the start of middle school to the first day of ninth grade I was lost, fearful of going and doing different things or anything that was outside of my “norm.” Even just the thought of leaving that comfort zone forced my thoughts down a dim path of self-deprecation. The last few years that I continued to do homeschool were the worst. As I grew older i started wanting conversations and company outside of my family and myself. I began to feel a crushing force of stagnation. It felt like I wasn’t going anywhere or doing anything, the idea of being stuck in one place not moving was like I was trapped in quick sand.
Moving away from family and friends can be a tough thing to do. I had to adjust to leaving my friends and family that I loved and seen almost every day. When it was time for us to leave, I felt like I was leaving the world behind me. I was very heartbroken because, this is a place where I lived almost my whole life. I never imagined us picking up everything and leaving to relocate to another town.
From the start, I did not feel like I “fit in”. I did not want to be around anyone. As my depression grew, my grades faltered, and I had very little interest in anything. After a series of academic failures and a period of loneliness throughout the remainder of my time in middle school, I finally told myself that this was my life and I had to take charge of it and start looking for the best things in my day to day activities. I began to think about my future and how my choices were going to shape my life as an adult.
Life in the city of New York wasn’t so great, during the first months my parents and I lived in a cramped, antiquated bedroom and it made it difficult for us to have a sort of normal life—even though, till this day, I question the real definition of what a “normal life” is supposed to be? For three years, I thought of my life here as lugubrious. I nostalgically missed my mountains, my family, my friends, my old life. The sole thought and yearn that constantly swirled through my head was the thought of returning home, Colombia. I went to high
He started telling me how he would move houses and schools but he also told me how he missed his sister and hadn’t seen her in almost a year. That’s when I decided to ask him why. “It is quite simple you see, I’m a foster kid” he replied. “What does that mean, a foster kid?” I asked “Being a foster kid is the worst thing ever, you get bounced around from house to house always getting abused and the worst part is that you are never good enough to stay at one place, I mean I was never even good enough to stay with my own parents that they decided to leave my sister and I alone.” “That is not true I’m sure your parents love you maybe they had their reasons” I replied attempting to make eye contact with him but he was too distracted looking at the floor. “What reason is good enough for someone to leave their kids” he replies in a monotone voice.
Often times in a society where every aspect of life is dictated for you it is hard to find acceptance. In middle school I was beat up on a routine basis so most days I ate my lunch outside behind a wall. I had only one friend and even he didn’t hang out with me much. It wasn’t until I decided to come to cyber that I found a place where I fit in. 7th grade was particularly harsh in that I lost my only friend to suicide.
My mom informed the school counselor and arranged for me to meet with the counselor weekly to express how I was feeling. I was embarrassed about the divorce and I did not talk about it with any of my friends. I started to lose some of the close bonds I had with my
After getting divorced, my mother’s depression worsened and she was unable to complete everyday tasks such as grocery shopping, paying bills, or taking my siblings to school. Once I recognized the need for these tasks, I took the initiative to take care of them. When schoolwork and volleyball practices increased, I found myself unable to take care of my family which resulted in guilt. Ultimately, I quit the volleyball team because I felt responsible for taking care of my mom and younger siblings. I felt as if I needed to get a job so I could begin financially providing for them as well.
Then my mom got hurt at work, broke her arm, went on disability and we were forced to move to a different location, things were different, my mom didn’t have any idea where she was going to go or what she was going to do and my brother and I were forced to tag along not knowing how our lives were going to turn out or where we were going to end up and I was already disappointed about leaving my best friend and childhood memories behind and now my life was changing rapidly beyond my control and I wanted nothing to do with
Moving to a different country again, having to restart everything that was already started and established in the country previously. But now it’s time to start from scratch finding a new job, being lost by not knowing anybody or any places. That’s what my mom had to go through. She also had to go through having low income. Since school costed a lot.
She didn’t have anyone to vent to or make her feel more important. She had to suffer through her life taunting experience alone. With no friends to help her through this tough time she felt it hard to persevere and thus found herself slip into depression. Little did Melinda know that all she had to do was fight through and eventually when she moved onto sophomore year she will finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Melinda is not the only one who went through hardships, so did Reavun in The Chosen.