Personal Narrative: My Relationship

Movies and I share a complicated relationship. As a child, I was raised on staple Bollywood films, from the clichéd romance of Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge to the slapstick comedy of the Houseful series. Growing up, the cinema hall was my space of escape from everyday reality. With the lights dim, even a meek and bullied child like me could sing aloud and laugh, attempting to match steps with the protagonists dancing to the foot-tapping and masaledar songs on screen. After exiting the theatre, my dad would routinely ask about my take on the film and I would endlessly prattle on about why it was my best movie yet. It is a standing joke in the family that every movie was sure to receive my enthusiastic approval.

As a teenager, I suffered depressive spells that had temporarily shrouded my academic progress with ambiguity. During this time, I found myself re-visiting those movies that I loved as a child. Rahul and Anjali’s easy bickering in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai made me smile and the gay spirit of youthful abandon in Rang De Basanti would encourage me to seek my

For months, I ruminated on this statement, and the decision to pursue a graduate degree emerged as the obvious choice. I find joy in learning. Studying cinema will allow me to further explore the history of the medium, its role as a cultural product, and the various theoretical modules that may be applied to the form. However, the desire to pursue a graduate degree in cinema also stems from a very personal space. The frustration at not finding a voice through the cinema of my childhood still exits. The lack of academic conversation that redeems gender restriction in sexuality heightens that frustration. To abate this discomfort, I wish to develop an informed voice and add to the existing discourse, which will only be possible through a dedicated study of and exposure to other