On January 6, 2006, the police were called to my house in Cortlandt Manor, NY. My paranoid schizophrenic father was out of control and we were in danger. My mother, grandmother, sister and I needed to go. We moved 100 miles away to our Sag Harbor house. Life was, to say the least, distracting. Through abusive visitations, and always being wound up in the drama, I found myself needing to find my niche, my passion; something I could dedicate myself to. I discovered photography and golf to be two of my favorite things. I got my first camera when I was 12. I started going to car dealerships and taking photos and making informational videos and tours of cars. I posted them on YouTube, and all of a sudden I had a decent following and a small fanbase.
It all started when I was only 3 months old, that was when I became a child model. If I was told that my career would have grown this far I would have never believed it! My mother was a child model, so that’s why she decided to put her own children into modeling at a young age. From that moment on it easily became my passion.
This is a great example of a bad time that can reveal things you never knew before. Because of this happening, we had to move out of our house in Spring Lake. And also because of this, we had to move, far away, to a house for rent in Muskegon. We thought this would be a bad thing and we were expecting the worst. But, it did not turn out too bad.
Even before that, I have a memory of this sketch of my family stuck on the fridge for years and years. Once in high school, I threw myself into the art program and experimented with sculpture, acrylic paint (the only medium I ever hated), oil paint, collage. Through these projects, I used the artistic process to better analyze myself: my motivations, my fears, my dreams. I built a portfolio based on the exploration of identity. I love being capable of translating life into a graphite reflection, drawing portraits and creatures and still-lifes.
On, October 16, 2000 I was born and I was a big baby. When I was a little kid I lived in Mexico. At the age of four I moved to the U.S. I have lived in Texas, Tennessee, North Carolina, and South Carolina. My favorite place of all has been North Carolina. While I was living in Tennessee at the age of about four and a half I met a kid named Kevin and he has been my best friend ever since.
“This is a toilet snake” my mother stated as my sister and I stared incredulously at her. My sister, skeptical and repulsed, challenged my mother with a: “And you expect us to use it”? “Yes. If you ever live alone you’ll need to be able to take care of yourself and your household”. Practically in unison, my sister and I rolled our eyes and sighed.
It was June 26, 2004 I packed my oversized conversion van with everything I thought was important. I was going to leave the life I knew behind on Cincinnati and I move to Daytona Beach Florida. Little that I know I had the State of Florida was going to see a record number of hurricanes for the 2004 2005 season. Little did I know I would find myself loving a lifestyle that was neither healthy or safe. Knowing how negatively this would have impacted my life I would not have moved to Florida.
Family presented me with a foundation for beliefs and values that have developed over time. Open heart surgery matured and humbled me at an early age, which largely contributes to my current personality. I enjoy art in all forms, but photography and drawing affect me the most. I view the beauty of the world in every aspect, and relieve stress while producing a wonderful work of art. I am an active feminist.
Generations Past Generations come, and generations go. When each generation passes, with them goes lessons learned, memories of “good old days,” and advice that is most often right. The previous generations are full of useful information that they have picked up by experience. I always enjoyed listening to the stories of these experiences from family and friends. It was a beautiful fall day, with a crisp breeze floating across the land.
Normally I’m not one to talk of my issues. I felt that they came from a place of weakness, and I never wanted to be perceived as weak. Instead, I’ve always been known as the kind of person who could crack a joke, make others smile, and always be there to help an individual in need. Couple these aforementioned positive things with my grades, and people assumed that my life was in pristine condition. However, no one knew of the problems I dealt with personally.
I felt tears coming down my face as I could hear the voices in my head. I felt my body terribling as I just stood there in complete silence knowing what was going to be said. Growing up I was the child of the family who always shined like a star. I had more expectations since no one ever finsihed school in my family other than my brother. I knew what I was acapable of, and my limits.
Anxious panic and anger were the only thoughts I could envision when my mom told me that we were moving. I had just accomplished getting comfortable in our new home and once again we were going to pack everything up; but this time she said we were moving to a different state. I numbly took a walk until I started crying and realized that I was determined to stay in the town I grew up in. Although my mother was hesitant, she allowed for me to live with my grandmother, who also lived in the same town as us. My decision to stay, allowed me to grow from a child still under their parent’s control to an independent being with the new stress and responsibility that normal adults have.
My mother took my brother and me to our temporary home. We were staying in this house until we got back on our feet because my parents had just got a divorce. After my mother took us home she went to work, she came back home 2 hours later crying. She got laid off from work. It felt like my life was falling apart because so many things were happing at the same time.
was invincible. I wanted to leave a legacy. I tried to accomplish the extra-ordinary but sloppily weighed the pros and cons of my decisions. I focused my energy on superficial goals -- becoming team captain of my school’s baseball team, playing a vital role in winning the playoffs, winning a school-wide election, creating a much talked about stage set and acting in our school play, and winning an award in a mock trial competition. I took my loved ones for granted and felt that we all were immortal.
Sporting my favorite Levi’s, a black tank top indicating a rampant obsession with a specific band, and a choker necklace, I am dressed edgier than my habitual school polo and khakis. I find repose in this outfit, as the usual pressure to look prim and polished dissipates. The vast stretch of people behind me all dress similarly, hum the same songs, gush over the same album release as we collectively yearn for the doors to swing open. We immerse ourselves in, live for, the same music; this is where I belong. Before I realize it, I’m already crushed between throngs of others, unable to move more than an inch in all directions.
Performing on stage in front of a live audience was a dream that I thought I would never realize. However, after spending years at the home of my neighbor Ms. Ellen, it became obvious that such a dream was well within my reach. When I was in third grade, I noticed that many of the older children in my neighborhood often visited the home of Ms. Ellen, a retired teacher. My mother was not comfortable with me spending a large amount of time in the company of older children; however, Ms. Ellen convinced her that my engagement with the children who visited her home would be fine, and she promised to watch over me. As a shy child Ms. Ellen brought out the best in me, encouraging me to pursue my dreams.