Personal Narrative: My Alcoholic Journey

Before my dad’s death in 1989 I had suffered from mental, sexual, and physical abuse at different times, from different people. I blamed him for not stopping it, for not saving me, and his death added to my pile of excuses to fail. An alcoholic right from the start, I learned how to drink like the pros around me: as fast as I could until the bottle was empty. I found this fun and the lack of accountability was empowering. I hated being weak and I especially hated being the victim, so I became manipulative, and took advantage of the weakness of others. For the next eight years I drank every chance I got, and progressed from cigarettes to marijuana to cocaine, and finally, to meth. I deeply injured the gentle people who loved me the most. Satan

Since I was ten years old, I had cursed myself, and muttered insults when I looked in the mirror. I said things like “stupid” and “ugly”, but with much more elaboration. The first day I woke up as a child of God, I DID NOT HATE MYSELF! This was the first day I didn’t do it, and I realized I was worthy of love. From that day on, I began to believe His promises. I became genuinely grateful for what little I had, and I saw my “little” multiplied. My God has returned what the enemy has stolen, slowly but surely. God gave back my confidence, self-respect, integrity, He has made me feel safe and secure, and He has allowed me to prosper. I completed alcohol treatment, and attended two years of outpatient counseling. I paid my fines and met all the requirements of my probation. I bought a duplex in 2006 using my own money and my own horrible credit. That duplex has helped me rebuild my credit, and has provided an extra stream of income. My husband and I were married on June 9, 2007, with sobriety being one of our foundational values. In March 2008, I noticed how difficult it was for my mom to maintain her old house. I began renovating it (on my own) and she moved into a smaller apartment at the Senior Center in early