Good afternoon, I 'm a Spotsy Sophomore, and I was in CGS until about three months ago. At the time, my best friend had just recently passed away and I was dealing with a lot of stress and sadness as a result. I had no motivation or desire to do normal everyday things, let alone homework. My grades slipped. Against the advice of my teachers, I left the program and went to Spotsy full-time.
I would have helped if I could,” she said concerned about me. “you were a very good student what happened?” I did not know what to say so I cried and told her the truth. That every time I sit for a test I end up failing it because I do not study enough. She comforted me telling me that I can do better next term but I ended up with the same grades as the previous term. Thus, my mother decided that I will change my school the next year so for me to transfer I had to really work hard in the last term, term 3, so I can get accepted as an 11th grader.
From the moment, “If you miss the next week of band camp, someone else will be marching in your spot,” flew out of my band director’s mouth and slapped me across the face, all chances of having the best marching band season ever disappeared. Freshman year was ruined. At first, I had no thoughts, no expressions, or feelings. Then a melody of “whys?” tried to harmonize with clusters of reasons, begetting a dissonance of buzzing in my head, “Why was I being punished for going on a vacation with my family? Why is this happening to me?” The mental chaos came to an ease and there was finally resonance in my thoughts.
This past year has been one of the hardest years because, its senior year and college is around the corner. I have been multitasking with school, sports, planning my immense college move, making sure I do outstanding on my college placement test and, all in a matter of not burning myself out. I kept letting myself down and continuously telling myself that I can’t do it. Recently I just got out of my first relationship with the person I would consider to be my first love. I suddenly felt heartbroken and depressed in a way where I wanted to give up in school and felt as if I had no value to my life because, once again I put all the pressure and faults towards myself.
I also saw many of my peers doing the exact same thing. I witnessed firsthand how procrastinating had made my life and the life of those around me so much harder and stressful than it needed to be. I have struggled with my bad habit of procrastinating for a long time and although it has gotten better, I still haven’t completely overcome it. It’s something that affects my life everyday. Not only that, but it’s a conscious decision I still choose most of the time.
After I was out of school for around a month after my ACL surgery it was hard to catch up but It was not impossible. I didn 't try enough because I already thought my grade was too far gone and that rolled over into the next semester. After the school year I was very disappointed in myself. I never have failed a class in my life but here I was applying for summer school. So I redirected my disappointment and decided to excel at summer school.
From the start of middle school to the first day of ninth grade I was lost, fearful of going and doing different things or anything that was outside of my “norm.” Even just the thought of leaving that comfort zone forced my thoughts down a dim path of self-deprecation. The last few years that I continued to do homeschool were the worst. As I grew older i started wanting conversations and company outside of my family and myself. I began to feel a crushing force of stagnation. It felt like I wasn’t going anywhere or doing anything, the idea of being stuck in one place not moving was like I was trapped in quick sand.
The doctor said that my voice went out because I spend too much time practicing and eventually my throat got sore. The doctor also said that It's only going to take a few days. I was not ready for this because I had the most important audition of my life. The next day I went to school and told my friends about my situation. My friends included Lucas,Alex, and Maya.
I felt as if I needed to get a job so I could begin financially providing for them as well. While I had nearly perfected my time-management skills and became incredibly independent, I was often overwhelmed and felt guilty whenever I took time for myself. I nearly talked myself out of applying for college my senior year because I felt guilty about leaving my siblings behind and having them fill my role. However, a new social worker stepped into my life that encouraged me to pursue my personal goals and provided my siblings with mentors and resources that they can reach out to. Without such resources, I would have likely been stuck in the same position and unable to pursue a higher
Every summer i’d take many courses to advance and exceed in my classes, my parents having some knowledge about high school believed at one point that I had taken a summer course to make up a failing class due to the fact of how my older brother struggled during his years. Not being able to do much during the summer also limited my time to having fun and doing what I liked. Community service hours were never mentioned to me until my sophomore year surprisingly and I had a plethora of hours piled up to my normal schedule, up until now I have been able to do most of those hours but if I were told sooner I’d be done by now. Experiences with my community have also opened up connections to work-related material and internships for the near future. I’ve been living in Atwater for at least more than six years and am surprised with all the time I’d been here, I now know much about the area I raised