School can be excruciatingly stressful at times, especially for a perfectionist which I happen to be. With this perfectionism, I 've had a fair share of continuous stress, and frequent headaches. I 've strived to be perfect for as long as I can remember, yet it took until the third trimester of last school year for me to finally realize that perfectionism isn 't actually what it is made out to be. While this perfect mindset may be looked upon as good, it is not. It 's a cruel beast staring over my shoulder and many others as well.
In my future I hope to overcome the restrictions that are thrown my way. I have no clue what restrictions I am going to face a month from now, or even ten years from now. But I personally believe that I am going to be my biggest restriction, I am my biggest critic. Fear of criticism and judgement are going to be the next two big restrictions I am going to face. In my sixteen year journey of trying to find who I am as a person, I have always worried too much about what other people think of me.
My entire senior year of high school, an eerie fog of anxiety lingered around myself because of the approaching new part of my life that I couldn’t quite anticipate as well as other events in my life. This chapter in my life that I almost dreaded because of the uncertainty, the path that was always envisioned for me, ironically, the only certain option for myself–attending college. I had my fears before I even applied to a school because I knew myself, I knew I wasn’t as independent as I let myself out to be, and I knew the chance of getting rejected by my first choice school was likely, a school where my friends were attending, where almost complete independence wouldn’t swallow me whole. As you might guess from my transfer application, the likely indeed happened. And so, the most difficult and independent
I was encouraged to read and write more. However, it didn’t help, my spelling remained poor, as did my reading, writing and grammar. I consider myself extremely competitive which I believe has contributed to my success to date. I always strive to be the best and get extremely disheartened when I am not good at something. I believe this has resulted in such a disliking for reading and writing over the years as I could never do
It hurt to be laughed at for something I really wanted to do. That is when I decided I didn’t want to pursue it anymore. I got many jobs that made me absolutely miserable. I worked myself to death and didn’t even remotely enjoy what I was doing. At that moment, I was hopeless, but I knew I needed to figure something out to make myself happy again.
Luckily it ended because once I saw reality, I felt insane for wanting the spend the rest of my life with him. The love for a couple should be pure, trusting, selfless, and should take time to build into a strong foundation. I’ve personally seen many relationships fail in my life and most of the time it’s because they were lacking on one of those aspects listed above. That was one big factor that lacked in my own personal relationship, there was no trust. Having no trust causes a toxic and controlling relationship to occur.
High school has impacted my life in so many ways. High School taught me so many things, from personal relationships to creating a relationship with my education. As a freshman, I made a huge amount of mistakes and I regret doing foolish things, but I’ve realized, I was only maturing into the young adult I am today. Freshman year, I was out of focus and I was only trying to find myself. I would also prioritize other things and ignore my parent’s advice, where they would tell me to focus in school and give it my full attention.
This past year has been one of the hardest years because, its senior year and college is around the corner. I have been multitasking with school, sports, planning my immense college move, making sure I do outstanding on my college placement test and, all in a matter of not burning myself out. I kept letting myself down and continuously telling myself that I can’t do it. Recently I just got out of my first relationship with the person I would consider to be my first love. I suddenly felt heartbroken and depressed in a way where I wanted to give up in school and felt as if I had no value to my life because, once again I put all the pressure and faults towards myself.
I have acknowledge that my family members and school played a major role in my childhood and one such interrelated relationship they had was the pressure from my parents to be normal. Don’t get me wrong but I loved learning so much, however school simply ruined it for me. The early hours of waking up to the horrible facilities that my school had were just some of the reasons that put me off from exploring my passion and love for learning new things. The fact that everything was just memory based and had no stable reason on why we were performing this constant repetition. It almost drove me crazy as a child.
It was the time I decide to change, I wanted to conquer my fear. So I made my own hurdle out of a box, and I practiced it every day at home. Finally the day I had been waiting forever had come. I was still scared but also every excited, because I'm not sure if my training will work or not. I was worried about everything, worried what if I fell down again, worried to be embarrassed in front of everyone, worried that fears would over take my strength.
When I think of myself as a writer, I think of a writing struggle. I struggle with getting things done by the deadline, there are times when I feel “on top of the world” this is when I write my best, and there are times when I can’t write at all, I just feel like dying. I went through a lot during Junior year, and it resulted in me being very depressed; which really affected my ability to write. I hate writing when my heart isn’t in it when this happens it leads me to procrastinate, waiting for a spark of motivation but, during Junior year I realized you just have to fake it occasionally and write with only your intelligent mind. My Junior year I decided to take Mr.Davies Dual Enrollment English class, a college level class.
Angry and bitter, I stopped volunteering and participating in additional duties. All the hard work I put in led to nothing but failure and heartbreak; the sacrifices I made, the time spent, I could never get back. I remained this way until I realized that the anger and bitterness was only dragging me down. I wasn’t myself. For someone who grew up craving success, I was fully aware of people like Michael Jordan, who was cut from his high school varsity team, and Bill Gates, a Harvard University drop out.
I 've always been told that life will knock you down, but it 's getting back up that shows your true character. My whole life has been a series of ups and downs. As a child I always struggled in school. I never got horrible grades, but I certainly wasn 't the best student. After trying for many years to get better grades with little to no success, I gave up on trying and just accepted whatever grade I ended up with.