Reflective Essay: A Different Hue Of Blue

‘A different shade of blue’, I told myself, as I looked at my own faded, dark blue tie. ‘That’s all it is. A different hue of blue…’

Being a prefect in my school’s student council entitled you to a shiny blue tie and a badge. I, hadn’t been selected as one. A cocktail of emotions stirred in me the weeks succeeding the decision. I was hurt, disconsolate, frustrated, even angry. I couldn’t understand why the management of my school did not consider me prefect material, which in a boarding school, means being involved in organising intramural activities and school events. Not being a part of that made me feel horribly left out.

My initial response, to shrug it off as immaterial and ‘I have better things to do’ quickly wore off in effectiveness.

I tried to fill the subsequent void created by low-key rebelling - going late to meals, flouting minor school rules and even shaving my head(different story all together), proving the old adage that rebellious teenagers disillusioned with the world…can be pretty stupid at times.

I have always been brutally honest and critical to myself, where I dissect my behaviour and emotions to cut through my own bias and view my actions with impartiality. During the summer before my senior year, where I had time to reflect, I realised that my conduct had not just been wildly immature but was also a shining example to my teachers and schoolmates of why I did not deserve to be a student leader. After all, I couldn’t even take rejection with grace and humility, instead I had been acting with horrendous self righteousness!

I further realised, that people’s labels and judgements do not have to define who I am, unless I allow them to. Other people’s opinions can be insidious creatures, writhing themselves into you mind through the chinks in your armour. Once inside, they spew venom that can seep into you behaviour and actions, making you embittered and resentful. I was letting the opinions of a few people dictate my capability, to handcuff what I could be to what they thought I was. After all, a badge and a tie do not define

I did my best to be someone they could learn from and to possess traits that they could emulate. I took up leadership roles when I believed I was qualified enough, such as being the Secretary-General of our first national MUN conference, the Editor in ChIef of our school annual or the Basketball captain of our house team. I had to prove my mettle as a leader since I was not offered it on a platter, and that meant that I was constantly seeking to improve myself and grow as a