Toulmin Argumentative Analysis

Mastering all skills in essay writing is a long way to go and you need to work harder and harder gradually to gain further achievements. As for me, after years of learning, I have pocketed certain skills. However, I realize I still need to learn more to complete myself after receiving the letter from a college friend of mine. Last week, I had a writing task to do and when I finished, I asked for my friend’s comments on my argumentative essay so that I could know what should be improved in my writing. Three days ago, I received her letter containing her judgments and found them useful. After reading it carefully and having serious thoughts, first of all, I have to send her many thanks for having spent time reading my six page essay and noting

In my annotated bibliography, I used three articles of three stockholders who were Barack Obama – a politician, Abigail Player – a psychology professor and Paula Parfitt – a senior vice president at Cielo, the global talent acquisition and management specialist. In my argumentative essay about women’s right, the thesis statement I made was that women should be facilitated to have more chances to become leaders. In this essay, firstly, I pointed out the reason for why women should have the same treats as men do in having higher promotion. Then, I revealed some advantages of having the balanced number between male leaders and female leaders. Last but not least, I had a small argument with those whose ideas were male leadership bias. To complete this essay, I spent a great amount of time thinking, searching for lots of links, articles and researches in order to choose some suitable articles. After finishing it, I was quite satisfied with what I had done and I sent it to my friend and asked for her

She pointed out that in the second paragraph when I talked about the reason for why women should receive equal opportunities as men do to become leaders, I sometimes fell into fallacies. She thought the traits of a good leader I mentioned were not very clear and logic somehow. However, I did not create these traits subjectively as every idea I revealed in my essay was based on specific evidences. I even pointed out many researches such as nationwide Pew Research Center Social and Demographic Trends survey enclosed with a graph to prove my idea. I think this different thought come from the fact that on this part, she was a little bit rush in reading so that she could not see the cohesion and coherence in the whole paragraph. She also thought the evidences I gave were little related to the main idea. In my essay, to prove women are as competent as men are in being leaders, I used some opinion of famous researchers and they found out that women have qualities to become good leaders. Some of the opinions were “Women adopt more democratic/participative styles” (Eagly & Johnson, 1990), “There is no difference in leadership ability amongst genders” (Yukl, 2002). If one did not search about leadership traits and read carefully the second paragraph of mine, he/she will easily think that the former