I learned this from one failure I experienced which I would never want to repeat again. The last year of my stay in the United States, I became depressed. I did not have friends that I could laugh heartily with. I did not do well in my classes. Although I pushed myself to do so, I did not want to go to school.
Both of my parents were always working hard and my teachers were always “looking the other way” and so I was alone. However, I have stayed strong throughout my suffering. There were times where I had thought that suicide was the only way. But, I never actually tried to commit to the idea. A few years later, I am here trying to make my dreams come true.
I decided it was enough. Most of all. I could not recognize myself anymore. It felt like I was living in a hostile world, being completely imprisoned by people I could not identify with. At the same time, I experienced so many disappointments and struggles, I started to lose my interest in life.
Thankfully, she recovered swiftly. We were able to finally go home and start our new life together. Bringing this little girl into my life changed me for the better. It was as though life didn’t exist before she was born. Although things didn’t go smoothly, I wouldn’t change a thing.
This past year has been one of the hardest years because, its senior year and college is around the corner. I have been multitasking with school, sports, planning my immense college move, making sure I do outstanding on my college placement test and, all in a matter of not burning myself out. I kept letting myself down and continuously telling myself that I can’t do it. Recently I just got out of my first relationship with the person I would consider to be my first love. I suddenly felt heartbroken and depressed in a way where I wanted to give up in school and felt as if I had no value to my life because, once again I put all the pressure and faults towards myself.
I can say I have found myself and am very matured for my age. I see life differently and plan goals to define my own success, in a realistic manner I take charge of your own life and know what I want and what I have to do to get what I want. My experiences have made me a stronger person, I push myself to work harder and never give up. I have failed many times and through that, I have learned to deal with failure. I have learned that everything happens for a reason and it is a learning experience.
Not a day went by that I wasn’t bombarding my mother with all these facts I was learning. It wasn’t until I went through an extremely horrific event that put me in my worst depressive episodes that genuinely thought about me getting the thing I wanted the
Now, close to being shut from the rest of the world, and pulled by the other side. Currently, my grave is getting ready for me, so I think about my life. Various emotions fill me, as I recall the past once more. From a young, cheerful girl, to now a miserable, middle-aged woman, resting in her freshly painted coffin. Life is ridiculously short.