Running And Emotional Disconnection In James Mcbride's The Color Of Water

The novel, The Color of Water: A Black Man's Tribute to His White Mother, by James McBride, is a memoir of a mother, Ruth McBride, and her son, James, who both have struggles in their lives that result in “running” away from them and mirroring each other. Ruth's continuous running affected James’s life when he said that "Just like Mommy did years before me, I began my own process of running, emotionally disconnecting myself from her, as if by doing so I could keep her suffering from touching me” (McBride 138). Ruth’s common theme of running and emotional disconnection began with the struggles in her life and how she respond to them, this results in how James’ actions and feelings are throughout the memoir.

In the early chapters of James’ story,

James watched as Mommy continued to avoid her life. He started to avoid everyone and everything just like his mother would do. He analyzed that, “Just like Mommy did years before me, I began my own process of running, emotionally disconnecting myself from her, as if by doing so I could keep her suffering from touching me” (138). Watching as his mother suffered instilled his feelings. He couldn’t bear it anymore, anymore, which forced him to “run away.” James says, “My stepfather’s final admonition to me went unheeded as I absolved myself of all responsibility and stayed out of the house as much as possible” (140). Jordan’s death started James’ form of “running.” Unfortunately, James’ way of grieving was through the abuse of drugs and alcohol. After some time of constant abuse, he was falling apart and it was eye-opening. James said, “I wanted to give up weed, but I couldn’t. Weed was my friend, weed kept me running from the truth. And the truth was my mother was falling apart” (163). James thought his way out was with weed, but he realized it was destroying him and causing him to run away more. This constant absenteeism resembles Mommy’s

Ruth tells James about her past although she avoided and ran away from it for many years. She passed on her actions and reactions to her children, especially James, as she formed a family. James learning about his mother's past made him realize that he resembles Ruth in many ways. They both grieved on their own, but how they grieved was similar. Whether it was drugs or a bike ride, they both had their own way to run. After years of running, it gave time for Ruth and James to reflect. James saw that running did not fix his problems. Running was Ruth’s way of coping. James avoids his mother as much as she avoids her life. In the end, they both weren’t satisfied with their lives until they stopped running. This memoir shows how running away doesn’t always mean that the problem goes away. After trial and error, James and Ruth eventually learned this. Their lives came with struggles that they ran from, but their avoidance of each other made them