Summary Of Jaschik's Inside Higher Ed

In the first draft the author jumps right to the thesis statement and the publisher’s purpose. He does not have a clear introduction because it was missing an attention getter. The author started talking what the essay was going to be about, and for me it was just like the author didn’t want to spend more time working on the introduction. The author had some problems with sentence structure, moreover, I think that the author wanted to be more specific about what he/she was talking about that sometimes he/she confused himself. For example when the author was talking about the audience, the author said: “Having his article published in an online news source, Inside Higher Ed, allows for Jaschik to have an audience of first year English..”, for me he/she could had gone to something more simple like: “Jaschik had his article published in Inside Higher Ed, which allowed him to have an audience the fitted audience for this article...”
When the author was talking about the rhetorical choices, he/she could use more examples because it seemed the author just wanted to be very brief, and not specific. Moreover, the author was the one who read

He/she went from something complicated to something more clear and clean. Also, he/she used more examples while he was talking about the rhetorical choices to make himself more understandable and persuasive. However, in his later draft, he still did not use an attention getter, which is something that for me was necessary because writers need to convince the readers that they need to read the essay. Secondly, the author kept the quotation in his conclusion, which as I previously said was not necessary because he already convinced his audience of what Jaschik was arguing about, who he was trying to persuade, and why he was trying to persuade. So, for me the author should still eliminate that