Reflective Essay: Where Would I Like Being Alone?

I 've always liked being alone more than hanging out with people, listening to their irrelevant, so called, problems, and small talk. I 've always had my books, my cup of tea, my internet and blog, my series and movies. On the pages of an old Penguin books edition I would find people. Crazy people, brave people, ruthless people... People I have avoided in real life. In all those TV-shows I would find the most beautiful couple, love that we all strive to experience but none of us will – because that love exists only in fiction. On the internet I would find individuals, real individuals, like me, who would hide behind their computer screen and shout their lungs out – in silence. I 've liked them much more than I will ever like those who shout in the streets.
However, on some evenings like this I can 't help but feel... Sad. Disappointed. Feel like there 's a vast emptiness in my stomach, in my lungs, in my throat... Emptiness I don 't know how to fill.
That emptiness was triggered by a simple photo, a photo on

Others would care but I just don 't.
BUT, despite all that, I still sometimes, on evenings like this after I 've spent almost a whole day by myself, watching series, wish I 've maybe made something better of my life. I sometimes wish I spent my teenage years having fun, going to festivals and concerts and making memories.
I do love books, series and movies but there 's more to life, especially teenage life, than that. I wish I were a part of that squad who spends their days sitting in the parks, drinking and having fun.
The lack of my friends shows on my facebook account, too. I haven 't added any of the people from school which are not from my class, despite the fact that I hanged out with them and know they 'd accept the request. Is it anxiety? The fear of being ignored, desliked? The fear of being considered boring? Or is it just plain laziness and loving the status