I have only been in three relationships and all three of them have mentally affected the way in which I think, and not in the best ways. In my mind without really knowing I am doing it I compare this new relationship to the older ones. I then start to think and predict that the new relationship will be or end up turing out to be just like the past ones had. The past relationships I have had would tie me down in the sense I couldn't hang out with anyone but them, control me, constantly argue, and when we broke up they would threaten me. Overall I think what I am finding out is that I am afraid of being committed and tied down and then not end up being happy.
“ It seems no matter which way I go, I turn into my past Some way or another It bothers me terribly I just want to move on with my life” This quote resonates with me has an individual. Because Some days nothing seems to go right, no matter how hard I try. I’ve done almost everything I can do to start my process of healing and getting the help I need to move and become the person I was meant to be. A happy , goofy , outgoing and caring person. However There’s always something in my life that will hold me back from moving on.
I started thinking about ways to earn money legally. Being a Christian I wanted to go back to church. My heart was heavy I hated myself for the things I had done. Leaving jail was the beginning of a new journey for me. Starting over was hard, because I was scared to trust people with my heart.
I was not real, I lived a life that does not belong to me. I have lived other people’s lives because they are successful, famous, or wise. What my parents thought as learning from the, turned into being like them to me. I thought this was the only way to be successful. Today I wanted to act like the most famous person in the school, tomorrow like the best student in
My story is a long story- maybe you know what happens to some converts- however, I had more than that, I was used and abused by some people who claim to be good Muslims. I was violated, badly manipulated and mistreated. I did not find any help, neither from the Muslim community nor the authority. I was forced to leave the country to try to fight for my rights. After coming to Islam, I had a horrible experience of being married to a Muslim without any of the morals of Muslims or even those of a human!
As always I made new friends because new guys will always come to school. I had a big group which I enjoyed hanging out with because they were carefree, they didn’t care what other people think and I liked that. But I had to learn that they weren’t really my friends, I found out when one day I told one of them that I liked a boy and the next day she was flirting with him and telling him that she really liked him more than a friend. In that moment I didn’t feel sad but I felt betrayed and kind of stupid because I was a fool at thinking I could finally have loyal friends. I started to distance from them since that day.
I didn’t get into trouble, break the law, nor use drugs. During my free time, I volunteer at church with various community projects. My relationships with adults help shape the person I am today. The elderly people of the nursing facility I worked all throughout high school were a second family to me. They offered a different look on life than peers or parents.
When I was seven I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior for myself. It was at this time I realized I could not make it into Heaven on the salvation of my parents and that even though I had loved Jesus for as long as my seven-year-old mind could remember I had not said the sinner’s prayer. When the altar call came at Children’s Church (which I rarely attended) that Sunday I made that commitment. My relationship with my family is forever growing. I have two brothers and a sister whom are biologically related to me.