The Importance Of Self-Disclosure In Relationships

Adam Mohsen-Breen is my best friend. We did not meet in high school and we did not get matched up by a computer algorithm to be roommates - we met out of sheer luck through a mutual friend. On paper, Adam and I have very little in common with dissimilar family backgrounds, distinct and unique cultures, and divergent music tastes. Our personalities meshed well, though, and we became casual friends. When we decided to live together sophomore year, however, our relationship evolved; our differences subsided, and we found new common interests that neither of us realized previously. Sophomore year was also a very difficult year for myself individually with personal challenges. Adam was there for me to overcome these hardships and we grew together.

Self-disclosure is simply sharing important information about yourself like major events, feelings, etc. to someone else you feel comfortable doing so with. Turn-taking disclosure specifically involves two parties going back and forth, sharing one piece of information after the other. In general, disclosure is highly influential in building relationships with someone, as it increases familiarity in one knowing more about another person, infers trust, and can give satisfying feelings that one attaches with the other person (Sprecher, Treger, Wondra, Hilaire, & Wallpe, 2013 and Collins & Miller, 1994). Spending mornings, nights, and time in between together, Adam and I inevitably told stories to one another, conversed, and reflected on our pasts. A lot of days we would get back after class and go back and forth telling one another about our respective days. As time progressed, these stories became increasingly personal and influential and a bond grew between us. We began with light hearted topics but developed into further deeper talks that were told in confidence. This all built up to a couple of major personal events that occurred in my life: a breakup with a long-term girlfriend and the death of my grandfather. Having built this relationship with Adam, I trusted him and wanted to share these events with him. Further, Adam exemplified many of the qualities discussed in Maisel, Gable, and Strachman's (2008) paper discussing response to disclosure. It notes the importance of both linguistic and paralinguistic ("um-hm") confirmation, emotional mirroring, and attention. Adam was ceaselessly present throughout all of my disclosure and exemplified each of the aforementioned qualities. He was sympathetic to my worries, asked questions, had appropriate body language, kept his phone on silent, and would reassure and check up on me. To keep my mind off of things,