Reconciliation In Relationships

After the end of most relationships, there is usually at least one person who regrets the breakup and wishes for reconciliation. Because of this, there are just as many looking for reunion advice as there are looking for relationship breakup advice. And, no matter who is asked, there ends up being roughly 8 simple steps to winning your ex back.

It should be go without saying that at no point should you ever harass or stalk your ex. It is illegal. It is emotional blackmail. And, if you succeed with it, it will only lead to resentment in your relationship later on.

The first rule in reconciliation is to actually cease all contact with your ex. Do not call him or her. Do not write any letters. Don't 'drop by.' You want your ex to actually start

You want your ex to hear positive things about you while you are away. Your ex will believe that the breakup was the right choice if he or she hears you are moping around and being depressed. But, he or she will start to see you as the person he or she was attracted to if you are busy and happy.

Step 3 involved personal improvement. This is the point where you make a moral inventory of yourself to determine what personality and emotional issues you have that might have contributed to the breakup. Then, you need to take the time and resources to deal with these problems in constructive ways such as therapy. Personal improvement will lead to an inner peace that will radiate throughout your life. A bare minimum of one month should be given to step 3 before moving onto the next step.

Step 4 involves the first contact after the breakup. The first time you speak to your ex after the breakup should be kept very casual and very short. Ideally, this contact should be done over the phone. The reason for the contact should be very benign. NEVER, under any circumstances, should you talk about the relationship. Remain cheerful and lightly flirt. In fact, give him or her a couple of small compliments. The goal is to leave this person with the impression that talking with you is a pleasurable experience. Always end the conversation on a high

You should also never beg for forgiveness. Blaming and begging cast you in a depressed light and makes others very uncomfortable.

The seventh step is to slowly evolve the contact with your ex from casual conversations to comfortable personal meetings or dates. By this time your ex will feel comfortable enough with you to meet for drinks or coffee. In fact, during these dates your ex may feel at ease enough to start talking about the past. Always make sure that you use I-statements, never put your ex on the spot, and never allow yourself to be walked over. Make sure that you let your efforts in personal improvement be known. This will assuage any fears that the same problems will develop should a new relationship be pursued.

The eighth step is where the seeds of romance are sowed. Gradually add romance back into your dates as your ex becomes more relaxed around you. Keep the romance simple and non-intimidating. Give him or her a chance to remember why he or she fell in love with you in the first