The Princess Bride Short Story

The old woman sitting in the aisle next to us shushes Dad. Dad tells her to mind her own goddamn business. The old woman looks scandalized. Mom scolds Dad and apologizes to the old woman. The old woman tells Mom that she is a disgrace to her gender. Mom gets mad. Dad laughs. Tommy laughs. The woman goes back to reading her tabloid. Tommy asks Mom if she has any food for him. Tommy says that he is starving. Mom says, “Why didn’t you bring your own snack?” Tommy says he packed a snack, but he forgot it at home. I tell Tommy I have some carrots that he can eat. Tommy says carrots are gross. Tommy says real men don’t eat carrots. Mom and Dad go back to their seats.

I give one of my earbuds to Tommy so that we can watch The Princess Bride together. We laugh at all of the same jokes. Tommy asks if he can have some carrots. I tell Tommy that the carrots are gone, I ate them all. Tommy says that I am good for nothing. I ask Tommy if he thinks Westley is handsome. Tommy blushes. He gives my ear bud back. He says he is going to sleep the whole rest of the trip. He says, “Liesel, do not wake me.”

Tommy can’t fall asleep. He tries to meditate. He closes his eyes and hums. I nudge him until he agrees to play play tic-tac-toe with me. The woman across the aisle snores loudly. Tommy is terrible at tic-tac-toe. I tell him that this is a sign that he should do fewer drugs. Tommy crumples up our tic-tac-toe game. He throws the ball of paper at the woman across the aisle. It lands in her