The Role Of Adults In Dysfunctional Family

Adults in dysfunctional relationships are often children from dysfunctional families. People are programmed from an early age to react in certain ways to certain situations. The experiences they have lived through are the realities they know best and are most familiar with. They will recreate these experiences and will unwittingly choose a partner who will accommodate that. In the context of relationships, when two people share a special connection, it is called ‘chemistry’. In the context of dysfunctional relationships, ‘chemistry’ is interpreted as ‘the unconscious attraction’ felt by two persons who see in each other the opportunity to re-create the drama in which they grew up. Children in dysfunctional families adopt roles and as adults continue to interact using the same patterns over and over again. As children they take on these roles in an effort to cope with the family’s painful dysfunction. Unless there is an opportunity to exchange these survival role for functional healthy ways of dealing with life children will often continue to play out these roles in adulthood.
The family where one parent is alcohol dependent tends to isolate itself, its boundaries are rigid and outside influences are not allowed to penetrate. This kind of closed rigid system fosters tension. The tension is managed in part, by each family members adopting a specific role. These roles serve to divert attention away from the alcoholic and to reduce the family tension. Sharon Wegscheider