Tommy Monologue

I love Tommy. He has been special to me ever since he was a little guy. I remember how much he loved to play peakaboo, and I remember how he loved to show me his artwork and how he constantly asked me how he could help his mommy. Where is that lovely child that seemed to have so much going for him, so much to live for? I know that adolescence can be a rough time for some kids--rebellious, sullen, distant. But this is different. He doesn 't seem to care about anything anymore--except for his god-awful loud music and his "friends" who are anything but neat, clean and nice. It seems like he stays in his room all the time when he 's not running around with them doing God-knows-what. And when I try to visit him in his room, he tells me

I spoke to his dad about this, and we confronted him about our suspicions that he was using drugs. But instead of seeing our concern for what it was, he flew into a rage and told us to stay out of his business. Then when his father became angry at his disrespectful attitude,

Tommy told us that we had better not bother him anymore or he might do things we definitely would not like. He left the house and hasn 't returned for a week now. I am so worried about him. I can 't stop thinking about what might happen to him. I can 't sleep. I can 't eat. I can 't keep my mind on my work. And my husband and I are always snapping at each other. He says I blame him for Tommy 's leaving the house. I say that he would still be here had we been more understanding. It feels like we are becoming strangers to each other. Why did it go so wrong? What did I do? Or, maybe what didn 't I do? I 'm so confused, and I am so tired of being confused and guilty and afraid. I thought I was a good mother. I thought I knew my son. I don 't know what to think anymore. My friends aren 't going through this. Why me? I 'm too ashamed to talk to them or anyone else for that matter about what 's going on and how I 'm feeling. I feel so alone and tired and hopeless. I just want things to be back the way they were, but I feel like at this point there is nothing more I can