The Marital Indecision Cycle

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CROSSROADS

In life, we are often thrown into tough situations, some of which cannot be avoided. Circumstances which make life changing alterations, and might not be pleasant to go through. A troubled marriage is one of such situations, and divorce is an example of a life-altering circumstance. The thought of divorce is frightening because pain and loss are often involved, so no one who is in their right minds willingly considers it.
It is normal in every relationship, to have high and low points, but if you are at a stage where you continually question your relationship, these highs and lows can become exhausting.

For some serious reasons, your relationship with your spouse isn't what it used to be. You are no longer happy in it, trust might
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I’ve seen people stay in that space for years but I’ve never seen it be positive. Staying in indecision—regardless of what the indecision is about—is draining. But leaving is hard.

The late author, Debbie Ford, articulates Lydia and Steve's process well. She writes, “Discontent occurs when our outer experiences aren't matching our inner desires…. In its early stages, discontent is fairly easy to overlook or conceal from ourselves. But like a glowing ember, the heat of discontent builds slowly over time until it becomes a blazing fire that can no longer be ignored. By then, our discontent captures our full attention, and hopefully we are motivated into action" (Ford 2005).

Sometimes, the best-laid plans are laid to waste. Despite all your hopes and dreams in the beginning, and all your good intentions now, it seems impossible to continue your marriage. For many of us, the twentieth-century notion of “till death do us part” has become an anachronism. When life becomes too painful, with too many battles and battle scars, few of us question the notion, at least intellectually, of moving
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You will experience an "aha" moment of clarity as to what you need to do.

When Is It Over?
How do you know when you've finally reached the point of no return, when putting your relationship together again is simply too much of a stretch? In the end, of course, the answer is personal. But if your answers to the following questions are irrefutably “yes,” it might be time to let go:

Does every situation, no matter how seemingly trivial, evolve into a fight?
Do you or your spouse continually refer to hurtful events in the past?
Is all the respect gone from your relationship? Do you feel it is impossible to bring that respect back?
Have your goals and directions changed whereas your partner's have stayed the same? (Or vice versa.)
Is your partner no longer fostering your individual growth?
Have you and your partner both changed so much that you no longer share moral, ethical, or lifestyle values?
Have you and your spouse lost the art of compromise? When you disagree, are you unable to forge a path together that is acceptable to both?
Do you and your spouse have a basic sexual incompatibility? Do you feel completely unattracted to each other? Despite help from professional therapists, have you stopped making
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