CROSSROADS
In life, we are often thrown into tough situations, some of which cannot be avoided. Circumstances which make life changing alterations, and might not be pleasant to go through. A troubled marriage is one of such situations, and divorce is an example of a life-altering circumstance. The thought of divorce is frightening because pain and loss are often involved, so no one who is in their right minds willingly considers it.
It is normal in every relationship, to have high and low points, but if you are at a stage where you continually question your relationship, these highs and lows can become exhausting.
For some serious reasons, your relationship with your spouse isn't what it used to be. You are no longer happy in it, trust might
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I’ve seen people stay in that space for years but I’ve never seen it be positive. Staying in indecision—regardless of what the indecision is about—is draining. But leaving is hard.
The late author, Debbie Ford, articulates Lydia and Steve's process well. She writes, “Discontent occurs when our outer experiences aren't matching our inner desires…. In its early stages, discontent is fairly easy to overlook or conceal from ourselves. But like a glowing ember, the heat of discontent builds slowly over time until it becomes a blazing fire that can no longer be ignored. By then, our discontent captures our full attention, and hopefully we are motivated into action" (Ford 2005).
Sometimes, the best-laid plans are laid to waste. Despite all your hopes and dreams in the beginning, and all your good intentions now, it seems impossible to continue your marriage. For many of us, the twentieth-century notion of “till death do us part” has become an anachronism. When life becomes too painful, with too many battles and battle scars, few of us question the notion, at least intellectually, of moving
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You will experience an "aha" moment of clarity as to what you need to do.
When Is It Over?
How do you know when you've finally reached the point of no return, when putting your relationship together again is simply too much of a stretch? In the end, of course, the answer is personal. But if your answers to the following questions are irrefutably “yes,” it might be time to let go:
Does every situation, no matter how seemingly trivial, evolve into a fight?
Do you or your spouse continually refer to hurtful events in the past?
Is all the respect gone from your relationship? Do you feel it is impossible to bring that respect back?
Have your goals and directions changed whereas your partner's have stayed the same? (Or vice versa.)
Is your partner no longer fostering your individual growth?
Have you and your partner both changed so much that you no longer share moral, ethical, or lifestyle values?
Have you and your spouse lost the art of compromise? When you disagree, are you unable to forge a path together that is acceptable to both?
Do you and your spouse have a basic sexual incompatibility? Do you feel completely unattracted to each other? Despite help from professional therapists, have you stopped making
After a few days it is no longer exciting and it loses the value that you once placed in it. If you have gone through a similar experience then you can relate to Jay Gatsby in F. Scott Fitzgerald’s novel The Great Gatsby. Fitzgerald suggests through the actions
n a Tale of Two Divorces, Rophie says “ We will always need legal divorce just as an emergency escape hatch is crucial in every submarine.” Divorce is the cushion that every marriage has just in case it fails. Rophie’s assertion about always needing a divorced is justified throughout her whole essay when she talks about how her mother was not strong enough to get a divorce even though her husband treated her so poorly. Then she goes on to tell her own story about how she married a guy much like her father. When they had a child, she realized that her husband was too intoxicated, out of the house, too busy in his own world or consumed with nervousness and she realized she needed to do what was best for her family even if it was difficult.
In a troubled marriage spouses are stonewalling and casting blame or pretending to be a victim and flooding with the bursts of emotions. The marriage is failing when the spouses stop listening to and trying to understand the needs of each other. The worst case scenario, when the spouses do not care anymore about hurting feelings of each other; it raises the amount of resentment and insults to the point where the spouses stop being partners and become sworn enemies (Gottman,
In the article “8 Lies That Destroy Marriage,” Bill Elliff describes some of the common lies that destroy marriage and how they can lead to divorce. Throughout the article Elliff insists about the facts that lie beyond the marriage in life, and he presents the idea of how the couples believe the only solution to their troubled marriage life is to divorce. Elliff argues that (If I don’t love my spouse any longer, I should get a divorce.) Elliff point is, marriage is not a joke and he believes it is a commitment to accept good and bad. Elliff also identifies how couples could lose their love because of unable to carry the drama, but he suggests us to remember the bible verse (love is patient and kind it never fails.)
Divorce “Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then to do it.” – Ann Landers. This quote by Landers hits close to home for me. Being a child of parents who divorced in my adolescent years, I understand that it took them more courage and strength to separate instead of sticking it out for my siblings and I.
When posed with the task of writing about a relationship, my first real relationship was an immediate choice. Writing about a previous relationship can be daunting, however this analysis will venture to do such. Within this analysis there are many topics that will be brought forth regarding this matter. Ranging from the initial description of the relationship, followed by an analysis of two stages of relationship development, additionally an analysis of a specific dialectical tension, and finally a closing statement. It was spring in the year of 2012, my sophomore year of high school to be exact.
It is evident that marriage is full of ups and downs, but the way couples manage these fluctuations in their relationship determines the strength of their connection. Both partners in a committed relationship must feel the same way and work equally as hard to push through potential obstacles. Being devoted to the relationship can ensure that the marriage will be able to survive the hardships and maintain a healthy, successful marriage. The emotional hardships and positives that a married couple endures on a daily basis are presented throughout the entirety of the poem, “Marriage”, by Gregory Corso. Corso’s poem explores the pressures and factors that influence marriage and sheds light on Updike’s short story about a couple facing divorce.
Long after the relationship is over, events, people, places, songs, or other external cues associated with the abandoning partner can trigger memories. This often sparks a new round of craving, intrusive thinking, compulsive calling, writing, or showing up—all in hopes of rekindling the romance. Being in a relationship that is floundering can be like having a pain in the neck or an aggravating headache, which result in losing ourselves. The capacity for creative living gets sapped as we instead focus on our pain. We become driven to find relief from that pain, seeking quick fixes in the form of substances, people, and other extremities to where attachment is made like in Romeo and Juliet where there love was so strong, they could not bare to go without each other and killed themselves for
Fiyinfoluwa Olufemi Professor McCaffrey ENG 1102 09 February 2016 Annotated Bibliography: Are adult children of divorce more likely unable to form an intimate relationship? Clarke-Stewart, Alison, and Cornelia Brentano. Divorce: Causes and Consequences. N.p.:
Marriage helps individuals in staying together at all times despite the difficulties faced in life (Evans, 2014). A home is never one if a family in it is not happy and therefore, the satisfaction of marriage mainly lies in its stability and ability to create
Something else that has to be discussed is the satire in television and movies that normalize being in unhappy and unhealthy relationships and finding distractions to not confront relational issues. The “getting married ruined my life” rhetoric is something that is seen as funny amongst married couples on these shows, but the sad part is that it is really not that much of a joke. It is seen as a completely ordinary thing to be unhappy in your marriage and find humor in the unsatisfying situation. Media should start to not only encourage but also romanticize good healthy relationships to
According to this theory, nature of love is changing fundamentally and it can create either opportunities for democracy or chaos in life (Beck & Beck- Gernsheim, 1995). Love, family and personal freedom are three key elements in this theory. This theory states that the guidelines, rules and traditions which used to rule personal relationships have changed. “Individuals are now confronted with an endless series of choices as part of constructing, adjusting, improving or dissolving the unions they form with others” (Giddens, 2006). For instance, marriage nowadays depends on the willingness of the couples rather than for economic purposes or the urge to form family.
They keep wondering whose fault it was, if it could have been avoided and if it was their entire fault. For the purposes of self improvement and growth these questions are necessary. You have to advance on to decisions and apply effective methods of recovery though, especially when the inquisition of your former relationship is taking
Is your relationship going downhill? Maintaining a relationship is not easy and most couples encounter a few bumps along the road to a lasting relationship. If not recognized earlier, these bumps could push couples to take the relationship to the wrong direction leading to break-ups or divorce. It is important to recognize these relationship killers ahead of time to avoid further damage. There are reasons why relationships fail and once these reasons are recognized ahead of time, you 'll have a better chance of saving your troubled relationship.
There are many incidents one met in life that change the whole concept of living. Similarly I had an incident which not only change my vision towards life but also to the words you speak and how much they hurt someone enough that you then regret of saying them. It was a very dull morning for me.