I enjoyed your story. Everything in your story interconnects. The events unfold in a way that keeps the reader hooked and willing to read on. The setting of the story is interesting. The desert is a unique place to begin a story. The character seems to be in a pivotally low point in his life. Making him interesting and spontaneous. The story is set up in a great fashion. The facts and full details are not divulged all at once. The events unfold properly enough for the story to develop and hook the reader. The main conflict seems to be that the main character’s life is in a rut. Looking for a man he hardly knows simply to repay a favor. A man that turns out to be more deeply involved in his life than he would have thought. The ending is surprising and unexpected. I expected the story to go in a different direction, but the direction it took was interesting to read as it unfolded. In the end I am left questioning what happened to Jesus Villarreal. Did the main …show more content…
Your use of descriptive words helps paint a vivid picture in my mind and helps making the story captivating to read. For example your description of the women the main character thought he was with the night before, and your use of the word “gangly” to describe Jesus Villarreal’s height. What could be worked on could be the transitioning from paragraph to paragraph, from thought to action. On some occasions the story is a bit jumpy. Jumping from one scenario to the next without a proper transition. The transition between the end of the main characters relationship and the explanation of why he was in the middle of the desert could use a bit more work.
Also, since it plays a vital part in the story, as a reader of your story I would like to see a bit more explanation and dialogue of what happened between the main character and his girlfriend and how she was