I didn’t want to trapped inside myself anymore and didn’t want to be afraid of what the world could do to me. So I just decided not to. My first year was rough, I had a lot of bullies, they didn’t like that I was trans, they scared of me, and hated. I didn’t understand it and tried it alone, but it got nowhere. By sophomore year I had changed the way I did things, I built a support system, and I defeated what was keeping me down.
Now, remembering how I acted before I am consumed with guilt. I knew my parents tried their best for me, but I was selfish and complained. I realize their hardships and sacrifices they made to make my life better. By the time I started school, there was a disconnect with my peers. I could understand what was being said to me, but I could not communicate.
Also I saw the difficulty that my parents were having for not going to college or having a low level of education. Growing up my parents started to tell me “ that if I want to be successful you have to go to school”, and still I would not listen to them because to me it was absurd to keep going to school after high school. Life as a child is very different then the life of a teenager, young adult, adult or someone that is about to retire. As a child I just want to play around, and just have fun, and continue on the path that I wanted. Yet as I got older especially middle of my junior year in high school, reality hit me in the face, it felt like being hit with a baseball bat, I saw that I wanted to become somebody big in the Army respected by all soldiers,and people, and for me to do that I have to become well educated, have a good personality, and most importantly love God and this country.
Ever since I was young, my parents have wanted me to pursue a career in medicine. I was not very happy as it was not a career I enjoyed, and it took lots of studying. It eventually became too stressful as my strenuous efforts toward my parents’ goal were not paying off. My parents stopped pressuring me as it was
It was a total mess, I was having unacceptable grades, difficulties in keeping up with the class and so on... After struggling for semesters, I finally realized that I wasn 't meant to be an engineer. So instead of chasing a dream that wasn 't meant to be and at the same time spending so much time and my parent 's money, I decided
The day before the hero started high school he started to feel the part of the refusal of the call because he did not feel like he was ready. He felt scared and nervous because of all of the people in the school. He did not think that he was ready because he felt insecure. The heroes parents helped to serve as a guide and mentor because the hero started to doubt that this was his journey. Although his parents kept the hero on track he still had doubts in his mind that this was not his journey.
I felt lonely. I really wanted daddy 's attention. I knew it was a bit extreme, but i felt like he would not have paid attention to me any other way. I was upset and angry. I thought he cared more about the game then he did me, now I guess I know that is not true.
I always thought that I was “too awkward” and that I wouldn’t be able to “fit in.” Keeping to myself and to a few friends would be the best option for me. Or so I thought. Over the years, I had let many opportunities pass in fear of being different. My choices left me with regret to the point that all I can think about is how I should’ve said yes. Something needed to change if I wanted to stop being overly obsessive with how people thought of me.
When school ended in June of 2015 I wanted to continue on to my senior with the rest of my classmates. I wanted to move on like nothing had happened but I knew deep in my heart that I was not prepared for my senior year. For a good time after the decision to repeat my junior year, I looked at it as a failure. I hold myself to high standards and I could I not believe that I would have this “blemish” on my record. I was angry at myself for even being depressed in the first place and I felt like I had failed the basic requirements of being a human being.
School, for me, is probably where it all began because I was constantly forgetting to do homework as a kid, which of course led to me getting in trouble and getting bad grades, which I really didn’t want.. Getting in trouble over something that I could so easily have done made me feel the need to work twice as hard to remember to finish and turn in all of my homework on time. I’m usually also pretty good at school work, but by losing and/or never turning it in I could’ve run the risk of being held back because it may have seemed like I wasn’t understanding the classes when I actually was. That brings up another reason I need to become more organized, my mom would have been extremely mad if I’d been held back because I wasn’t turning in my homework, and that was probably much scarier to me at the time then actually being held back. The second group that helped influence this trait is very directly related to the influence that my school had on me, my peers. Most of my close friends I had all through school were very good right away at getting their work turned in, after I finally realized that it made me want to sort of be like them in sort of a competitive way where I wanted to be able to keep up with them academically.