Personal Narrative: Anxiety

Anxiety. The crippling disease that can tear an individual apart. The fear of fear itself. A silent torturer that hides behind a smile; the deception equivalent of a magician. However, just like any magician, his subterfuge is revealed upon close inspection. An individual with anxiety accidently unveil his hidden secret when their eyes dart upon hearing someone laugh, the frown that dominates his smile after hearing a joke about themselves, and the misery revealed inside the sanctuary of his home. Anxiety is drowning in a pool while watching everyone around them swim. It`s the constant fear of the judgement and jokes that are exchanged behind their back. It`s worse than fear. Unlike fear an individual can’t get over anxiety. The terrifying thought that no matter the amount of time, it will never cease. It doesn`t how many times they encounter the problem the torment remains; the feeling of no

Growing up with anxiety, I couldn’t acknowledge it. I ventured my early school years imprudent of this onset. Being a young child not knowing what was causing this incursion left me terrified. I`d rely on the company of others to help me escape the torment of my own mind. I was trying to surround myself with as many people as possible; using them as a remedy to my own illness. All I ever desired was to be like my fellow students. After all, weren`t taught at a young age to never play with a sick kid? The endless spiral of the fear of judgement and criticism of those I called friends took my grip off reality; engulfing myself into the inferno that took hold of my body. As a hopeless attempt to bury my demon, I became a member of the Cross Country and Track and Field team. The freedom of running essentially broke me of the chains in the beginning of high school. Not only had I found a remedy to my anxiety, but also my hidden talent. Moving up the ranks of not only my team, but also the state, drove me back into a pit I thought I