By the time my mother passed away due to melancholia, I started to recall those memories. When she smiling announced her pregnancy, she did not say that her colleagues were edging her out. Her action inconvenience and mental retardation made her dull. Her colleagues seized the opportunity to accuse her for neglect of duty, trying to push the only female actuary out. My mother endured morning sickness to work harder, but mental and physical double whammy led to an abortion. She could not afford the combat and sorrow, descending into depression. My body was paralyzed like it had been just awakened from a deep hibernation. The feeling of loss infiltrated me. What I used to regard as vital and imperative seemed meaningless.

My heart ached for