The World's Greatest Threat: Cell Phones By Benjamin Franklin

534 Words3 Pages
Writing and rewriting an essay is vital for perfection. If an author does not revise the essay, the writing piece will most likely be bland and unentertaining. “Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.” Benjamin Franklin. In the essay, The World’s Greatest Threat: Cell Phones, the author has many included many effective, useful writing skills. The essay has good evidence, accurate grammar and spelling, and a fresh conclusion, as to not bore the reader. However, the author still needs to work on organization, word choice, and sentence fluency. These will help the essay become a more meaningful and powerful piece. Organization means to organize the essay onto an organizer. This may help the writing composition flow easier, and the reader will not get lost in the essay. In The World’s Greatest Threat: Cell Phones, the author’s organization is unstable. Even though the writing has all the required checkpoints, the essay does not fully engage the true purpose of a graphic organizer. The hook, “Cellphones have a major impact on the modern way of life.”, is weak. By changing it to, “Cellphones have majorly impacted and changed the modern way of life.”, it becomes more interesting. The thesis statement is, “Cell phones are a necessity in one’s day to day life.” If changed to, “Cell phones are vital and play…show more content…
Word choice will also remind authors to check their vocabulary and how they worded their sentences. Word choice will help the author sound more professional. This will also allow the author to create stronger more meaningful evidence to support the thesis. In the essay, The World’s Greatest Threat: Cell Phones, the author uses the words small, smallest, big, and long many times. To make the article flow easier, the author changed small to mini/tiny, smallest to thinnest, big to bulky, and long to distanced. The 7 words that were vague and dull were made sharp and
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